Screw You.

This ravishing man is Murray Chass. You can go on Wikipedia and read about how relevant he was during the 1970' as a sportswriter. On his website, which for some reason I link to below, Sean Connery here denounces all baseball blogs claiming he "hates them". He has also been very public about his disdain for statistics based analysis, claiming that the use of numbers ruins the enjoyment of the game. In his free time Mr. Chass plays shuffleboard and shoes the neighborhood kids off his property.

Murray retired from the New York Times in May 2008, and for good reason; the game had passed him by. There is a place for us in the game, just like there is for everyone. Baseball is the American Pastime; it allows for the young, the old, the smart and the dumb to gather in one place and find something about it that appeals to them. For some its numbers, for others the showing of sheer athleticism, some just like the peanuts. It's old, stubborn, crotchety pricks like this that make me appreciate the voice that the fans have been given via the internet.

Thanks for retiring to your "this is not a blog" website that no one visits. Now you can sit back and talk about the year you graduated high school with Bob Sheppard.

Source: http://www.murraychass.com/?page_id=23

Wow.

Courtesy of Larry Dobrow and CBS Sports, the following link is an inside perspective of the new Yankee Stadium. We highly reccommend this article, though we admit it really isn't like The Fowl Balls to direct our readers to other, lesser sites.

Link: http://www.sportsline.com/mlb/story/11132422

Hollywood Schnoz?

Apparently, Joe Torre has been talking to Andy Pettitte throughout the offseason about the possibility of pitching for the Dodgers. Though we had been perfectly content with letting Andy skate from the Yankees at the beginning of the offseason, that was before the retirement of Mike Mussina. As our good friends at NoMaas have pointed out, 200+ inning lefties don't just grow on trees. Ken Rosenthal cites Pettitte's propensity to leave when he "doesn't feel wanted", so the Yankees better step up and make an offer to Andy Pettitte before he takes his gigantic nose to the West Coast. One can't help but wnder how good Andy would be in L.A., given it's proximity to Tijuana.

Source: http://msn.foxsports.com/mlb/story/8845170?MSNHPHMA

8 (or so) Questions: Sensei John Kreese of NoMaas.org

Originating in 2005, NoMaas.org has evolved from "that site with the funny Photo Shop pictures" to one of the most respected analytical Yankees sites on the internet. That evolution has been in no small part due to Sensei John Kreese, the founding father of our favorite baseball blog. The Sabermetrics freak took some of his valuable time to sit with Jimmy Dugan to talk Hot Stove, Phil Hughes, and reveal some nasty fetishes.

Jimmy Dugan: Will Hank really let the fear that AJ Burnett ends up with the Red Soxmake him sign the injury prone pitcher? Would they take the chance that Burnett becomes "Pavano Jr." over the chance that the Red Sox sign him and he goes 12-9 with them (his career best record before the contract year of 2008?
Sensei John Kreese: Fortunately, it looks like Hal is the real boss, so hopefully Hank's delusions don't have to be taken as seriously by the fans. Burnett is a good pitcher. He had the best K/9 (9.39) among AL starters and that's pretty impressive considering he faced Boston, New York, and Tampa 457 times this season. He's much better than Pavano in ability, so I wouldn't compare him to that Olive Garden lover. However, like you referenced, his injury history is ridiculous and signing him to a long-term deal is a mistake waiting to happen. To me, this would be a signing that is similar to the mistakes of the past. Too much risk for too much money.

JD: 2009 Yankees rotation: CC, Wang, Lowe, Joba, Pettitte – Am I far off?
SJK: That would be a very formidable rotation. I'm not a huge fan of Lowe because of his age, but I'd rather sign him than Burnett. In regards to Pettitte, I don't know what the Yankees are waiting for. How many 200 inning pitchers do you know that will sign up for 1-year?

JD: Mike Mussina: Hall of Famer, or just a grade A p*ssy?
SJK: 3500+ IP with a 123 ERA+. There are only 18 pitchers in MLB history who have pitched more than 3000 innings with a higher ERA+. Send him to Cooperstown.

JD: They guys at noMaas.org were big proponents of trading for Matt Holliday. Considering the package that it would have required to land him, why were you not more troubled by his career home/road splits?
SJK: No, because his park-adjusted numbers showed that he was a very good hitter. Plus, he's improved his hitting on the road every season. In 2008, he had .892 OPS on the road. Also, according to several defensive metrics, he's a good left fielder also.

JD: In recent news, the Yankees have left some relatively big namedprospects unprotected for the Rule V Draft. The most shocking to me were JB Cox and Alan Horne. Does Shelly Duncan deserve a spot on the 40-manmore than these two guys? Could they help a major league team right now?
SJK: Shelly Duncan isn't a professional baseball player, so I don't know why hewas protected. Cox surprised me, but he was pretty terrible at AAA lastseason. Horne won't be selected. He was hurt for most of last season andhe was also terrible at AAA when he did pitch.

JD: What can Yankee fans reasonably expect from Nick Swisher? In youropinion, has the Swisher acquisition dashed all hopes off seeing Mark Teixeira in the Bronx?
SJK: The Swisher acquisition was robbery. Love it, love it. He was incredibly unlucky last season, especially if you look at his line drive rates. He has great plate discipline, sees a ton of pitches, and has good power. I wouldn't be surprised to see a .260 /.370 /.490.
Cash has been hinted that they can't afford both Sabathia and Teixeira, regardless of who they acquire, so I don't know if Swisher affects that.

JD: Knowing full well that AFL numbers mean nothing, what can be said aboutthe progression of one Phil Hughes?
SJK: Oh, our little Phil. The AFL is a big hitters league, so if a pitcher puts up good numbers there, it's very encouraging. Now, I've seen reportsthat he pitched against some of the worst hitting teams in the AFL. So who knows. I do believe he should start '09 in AAA. He needs to showthat he can command his fastball. What made Hughes such an amazing prospect was his ability to spot his fastball wherever he wanted. Pinpoint control.

JD: If you were to come across Ian Kennedy, and he was in flames on thestreet would you urinate on him to dispel the blaze, or continue on your merry way?
SJK: Some people are into that type of stuff. I'd probably continue on mymerry way and then look for two girls and one cup.

JD: What are your feelings on mercy?
SJK: Mercy is not something which appeals to me.

We would like to once again thank Sensei John Kreese for his time. His site has been a large inspiration for us, and a great contributor to the success of The Fowl Balls. If you haven't yet checked out NoMaas.org, you may be mildly retarded.

C.R.E.A.M.

We love Brian Cashman. To commemorate his ten years as Yankees General Manager, The Fowl Balls wanted to take this opportunity to highlight the ten moves of Cash's career(and no mention of Pavano or Igawa).

#10 - Drafting Shelly Duncan - 2001
Just because he looks like sloth.

#9 - Acquiring Chuck Knoblauch for Christian Guzman, Brian Buchanon, and Eric Milton
The first move of Cash's career. Though this wasn't the biggest steal of all time, with Guzman and Milton both playing large parts at the big league level for the Twins, Knoblauch provided the steroid-driven leadoff hitter that the Yankees had been missing.

#8 - Signing Chien Ming Wang for $1.9million - 2000
A highly touted international signing, the Wanger was somewhat of disappointment until he learned the ridiculous sinker that we have all gone on to know and underappreciate.

#7 - Claiming Jose Canseco off of waivers - 2000
The second steroid related acquisition on the list, this move had absolutely no significance to the Yankees roster. What it did do was rob the Red Sox of the right handed power they were hoping for. F*ck them.

#6 - Not re-signing Tom Gordon - After the 2005 season
Though this is technically a non move, it could prove to be the most important one of Cash's career. A Type-A free agent, Gordon's signing with the Phillies provided the Yankees with two draft choices in the compensatory round of 2006; Joba Chamberlain and, less fortunately, Ian Kennedy. If Cashman can manage to trade Ian Kennedy for something remotely valuable, this could be the move he speaks about at his Hall of Fame Induction.

#5 - Acquiring Bobby Abreu and the late Cory Lidle for assorted minor league garbage - 2006
Though this isnt a move that led to a World Series title, it does fall into the 'steal' category. Brian Cashman straight prison raped the Phillies here.

#4 - Signing Doug Mwerjgfjbhnjervhujn478ghfjdkcz - 2007
For no other reason but I enjoy flailing on the keyboard.

#3 - Acquiring Aaron Boone for Brandon Claussen and 2 other minor leaguers - 2003
Providing the Yankees with one of the greatest moments in league history.

#2 - Paying someone to Jeff Gilhooly Aaron Boone's knee that very same winter
Providing the Yankees with the greatest player in league history.

#1 - Acquiring David Justice for Ricky Ledee, Jake Westbrook, and Zach Duke - 2000
Arguably the most significant trade-deadline deal in the league's history, Justice hit the ball harder than Halle Berre as a Yank.

Baby Hitler attends Phillies victory parade

Thank You.

Thanks to our loyal followers, The Fowl Balls has eclipsed the all-time Major League hits record previously held by this ravishing gentleman. We are humbled by your willingness to sacrifice productivity to stop by every day.

Report: Moose to hang up his antlers (We are such hacks)

Ken Rosenthal of foxsports.com reports that Mike Mussina is going to retire. We at The Fowl Balls will respect his privacy and not publicly comment until he has made his announcement to comment further, but in the meantime, I will ask you, our loyal followers; is Mike Mussina a Hall of Famer?

Source: http://msn.foxsports.com/mlb/story/8818830/Yanks

Because the world doesn't have enough t-shirts

The Fowl Balls proudly presents our newest original contribution to the world: T-shirts! OMG! You so need one! Click on the link in the margin to be the envy of all idiot fanboys!

Hop on my poll

We at The Fowl Balls want to hear your opinion. On the left, you will find our first ever, official http://www.thefowlballs.com/ poll. Select whomever you think would be the most important free agent acquisition*.


*Bear in mind that selecting AJ Burnett will immediately delete your hard drive and all of its contents. That means you, Brian Cashman.

The Yankees continue to do what The Fowl Balls tells them

According to reports, the Yankees have extended a massive offer to CC Sabathia spanning six years for $140 million. This is the exact offer thet The Fowl Balls suggested on October 7th.

Proof: http://www.thefowlballs.com/2008/10/every-man-has-price.html

With this additional evidence that Brian Cashman is a fan of ours, we implore the organization to hire Jimmy Dugan as a consultant at a paltry $1 million salary. My first order of business will be to pull the ridiculous five year offer to AJ Burnett off the table before he tears a rotator cuff attempting to sign it.

Source: http://www.nypost.com/seven/11182008/sports/yankees/yankees_prepare_a_j__offer_139209.htm

Breaking News: Texeira is a Yankee

Kanekoa Texeira, that is. Apparently, he is a minor league pitcher from the White Sox' minor league system. The main part of the trade is the Yanks acquiring Nick Swisher. So far the cost is minor league pitcher Jeff Marquez, who was not listed in Baseball America's recent list of the top ten Yankees prospects. Even though he is coming off of a dismal offensive year, I like the pick up; Swisher will make a solid defender at first base, can spot in the outfield, and has shown plus power from both sides of the plate. This should also dispell any talk of the team signing Mark Teixeira, allowing them to give enough money to CC Sabathia to buy his own Twinkie factory and still have money left over for Manny Ramirez and another starting pitcher.

Source: http://sports.espn.go.com/mlb/news/story?id=3700869

**UPDATE**
This press release is direct from the Yankees, via http://www.yankees.lhblogs.com/

This release from the Yankees

YANKEES ACQUIRE 1B/OF NICK SWISHER AND RHP KANEKOA TEXEIRA FROM THE WHITE SOX IN EXCHANGE FOR INF WILSON BETEMIT AND TWO MINOR LEAGUE PITCHERS

The New York Yankees announced today that they have acquired switch-hitting first baseman/outfielder Nick Swisher and right-handed pitcher Kanekoa Texeira from the Chicago White Sox in exchange for infielder Wilson Betemit and right-handed pitchers Jeff Marquez and Jhonny Nunez.

Swisher, 27, batted .219 (109-for-497) with 86 runs, 21 doubles, 24 home runs and 69 RBI in 153 games with the White Sox in 2008, leading all American League switch-hitters in home runs and ranking second in RBI. He made 69 starts in center field, 47 starts at first base, 16 starts in left field and 11 starts in right field, combining for a .990 fielding percentage (7E, 675TC), including a .996 mark at first base (2E, 481TC).
The Oakland Athletics’ first pick (16th overall) in the 2002 First-Year Player Draft, Swisher has appeared in 611 career games, batting .244 with 117 doubles, 104 home runs and 324 RBI. Since 2005, his 334 walks are tied for third-most in the American League while his 102 homers are the fourth-most among Major League switch-hitters. He has also recorded at least 20 doubles and 20 homers in each of the last four seasons. Swisher was acquired by Chicago on January 3, 2008, in exchange for left-handed pitcher Gio Gonzalez, right-handed pitcher Fautino De Los Santos and outfielder Ryan Sweeney.

“We’re excited with the addition of Nick Swisher,” said Yankees Manager Joe Girardi. “We feel he has a ton of upside. He’s a patient switch-hitter, adds versatility at a number of defensive positions, including first base and the outfield, and will be a positive presence inside the clubhouse.”

Texeira, 22, was 6-3 with 21 saves and a 1.33 ERA in 51 combined relief appearances with Single-A Winston-Salem and Double-A Birmingham, ranking second among White Sox minor leaguers in saves. He was selected as a Carolina League mid- and postseason All-Star, posting a 3-1 record and a 0.93 ERA with Winston-Salem, while recording 20 saves in 23 opportunities. Over his final 22 appearances with the Single-A club (23.1IP), he did not allow an earned run and held opponents to a .176 batting average (15-for-85).
A native of Maui, Hawai’i, he was originally selected by the White Sox in the 22nd round of the 2006 First-Year Player Draft and entered 2008 with the organization’s best slider, according to Baseball America. In 113 career minor league appearances, he has a 12-7 record with 40 saves and a 2.24 ERA, striking out 149 batters in 144.1IP.

Betemit hit .265 (50-for-189) with 13 doubles, 6 home runs and 25 RBI in 87 games with the Yankees in 2008, making starts at all four infield positions. He was acquired by the Yankees from the Los Angeles Dodgers on July 31, 2007, in exchange for right-handed pitcher Scott Proctor.

Marquez was 8-8 with a 4.47 ERA in 19 combined games (18 starts) with Triple-A Scranton/Wilkes-Barre, the GCL Yankees and Double-A Trenton in 2008, missing nearly two months (June 19 – August 12) with a right shoulder strain. Selected by the Yankees in Compensation Round A (41st overall) of the 2004 First-Year Player Draft, Marquez led Yankees farmhands in wins (15) and innings pitched (155.1) in 2007 while with Trenton, and owns a career record of 43-40 with a 3.60 ERA.

Nunez, acquired at the 2008 trading deadline from the Washington Nationals in exchange for infielder Alberto Gonzalez, owns a 21-18 record with a 3.26 ERA in 93 career minor league games (64 starts). He appeared in eight games with Double-A Trenton following the acquisition, going 1-0 with a 1.86 ERA and striking out 26 batters in 19.1IP.

Yankees Re-Sign Damaso Marte

Three years, $12million for the bullpen lefty. That is a large commitment to a non-closer, but if it prevents the Yankees parading out pitchers that I have never heard of before, and will never hear of again (fucking Wayne Franklin?!?!?!), so be it.

I know the rumors are 99% bullshit, but...

How great are these two??

Firstly, Peter Abraham reports that their has been a scenario that has been kicked around the organization that would slide Robinson Cano's lazy ass to first base, with the team signing Orlando Hudson to play second base. This sounds relatively feasible, given Cano is still in Pinstripes come opening day.

The second rumor that grabbed my interest involves the always elusive three team trade. The speculation has Hideki Matsui headed to Seattle and a whole bunch of other crap happenning; Cano to the Rockies, and throw in some young players back and forth, and at the end of the day the Yanks end up with Matt Holliday and Ryan Rowland-Smith. This is the type of rumor that probably has little-to-no hard factual basis, but I have to say that I am soaked just thinking about it.

Patchwork

In their latest commemorative effort (read: marketing play to get me to buy another $200 worth of their shit), the Yankees will sport a patch on their sleeves for the 2009 season.

There is no god

Source: Brian Cashman mulling wild pitch to bring back Carl Pavano
BY MARK FEINSAND

DANA POINT, Calif. - When Carl Pavano walked off the mound on Sept. 25, most people assumed it would be the last time he would ever wear a Yankees uniform.
Not so fast.
Pavano, one of the biggest free-agent busts of all-time, could wind up back with the Bombers this winter as the Yankees look to fill three spots in their starting rotation.

If you have been reading this blog in the past, I dont feel it's necessary to waste my time typing whether we support this move or not, so I will take this time to show post a picture of a delicious chocolate chip cookie.