This is the first installment of a new feature on www.fowlballs.blogspot.com. Recently recruited author Deputy Dog will be writing a weekly column containing his views on the weeks news that would make Lewis Black spit his coffee all over John Stewart. Though not for the faint of heart, Fireworks will prove to be a groundbreaking feature on the world's favorite sports blog. Expect to see this column every week, or at least until Deputy Dog suffers his first heart attack or stress induced hemmorhage. So without further ado, I give you Fireworks.
Billionaire Bucket Boy
Mark Cuban once call Phil Jackson his “bucket boy.” AJ Smith now knows how Cuban felt that day. Smith, the often praised GM of the San Diego Chargers, has made Charges principle owner Dean Spanos his personal “bucket boy.” Smith leverage Spanos into firing one of the NFL’s all-time winningest coaches in Marty Schottenhiemer because Smith did not like him. Say what you will, but the Charger’s playoff loss to the Patriots was not Marty’s fault. Marty didn’t drop anyone of the 7 passes that hit receivers in the and then wound up on the ground. Nor did he throw the pics of his young QB or fumble the ball away, as did his “skill” players. Too many times we rely on stats, but put that aside and think about statements of fact. Marty Schottenhiemer is an excellent football coach and did not deserve his fate out west. Hell, Marty would have multiple Superbowl Titles if he had not had to be the victim of John Elway becoming John Elway. And let’s not forget the A-Rod-like playoff choke-job of Ernest Byner. With Schottenhiemer’s head on their wall of shame, Smith and Spanos put the franchise’s on the field performance in the less-than-capable hands of Norv Turner, who has proved beyond the shadow of any doubt that he not a good head coach, even if you discount his disasterous year with the worst franchise in sports, the Oakland Raiders. If you look closely, you can see the strings in Spanos’ arms and AJ doing his best impression of Ghepetto. Rumor has it the Democrats may want to run Spanos for the White House in 2008.
Toodaloo Tiki
Tiki Barber is a quitter. Let’s get real. He’s not a hero or a guy being smart and saving his body, he is, in fact, a gutless wonder. He was a mediocre NFL back with big time fumblitis prior to Tom Coughlin arriving in Giantland. Coughlin cured his disease of putting the ball on the ground and helped Tiki become all-world. 3-4 more years at his current pace and he was a lock for Canton. Now he’s a lock for The Today Show. Matt Lauer never helped anyone get that bronze bust, pal. It’s not bad enough to quit, but on his way out of the locker room he took the time to rip the coach that was responsible for his game going to the next level. Fucking ingrate. Reminds me of another memorable chicken-shit running back who quit in his prime, Barry Sanders. I will not mention Jim Brown, since he might read this, hunt me down and snack on my spine.
Pacman Should Eat-A-Bullet
Ok, the details are still sketchy in the Las Vegas incident involving Adam “Pacman” Jones of the Tenessee Titans, but if it is proven the shooter, shot 3 people (2 bouncers and a female customer) at a strip joint, was part of “Pacman’s” entourage, he should be thrown out of the NFL for life and arrested for accessory to murder. Douche-scumbag.
Billionaire Bucket Boy
Mark Cuban once call Phil Jackson his “bucket boy.” AJ Smith now knows how Cuban felt that day. Smith, the often praised GM of the San Diego Chargers, has made Charges principle owner Dean Spanos his personal “bucket boy.” Smith leverage Spanos into firing one of the NFL’s all-time winningest coaches in Marty Schottenhiemer because Smith did not like him. Say what you will, but the Charger’s playoff loss to the Patriots was not Marty’s fault. Marty didn’t drop anyone of the 7 passes that hit receivers in the and then wound up on the ground. Nor did he throw the pics of his young QB or fumble the ball away, as did his “skill” players. Too many times we rely on stats, but put that aside and think about statements of fact. Marty Schottenhiemer is an excellent football coach and did not deserve his fate out west. Hell, Marty would have multiple Superbowl Titles if he had not had to be the victim of John Elway becoming John Elway. And let’s not forget the A-Rod-like playoff choke-job of Ernest Byner. With Schottenhiemer’s head on their wall of shame, Smith and Spanos put the franchise’s on the field performance in the less-than-capable hands of Norv Turner, who has proved beyond the shadow of any doubt that he not a good head coach, even if you discount his disasterous year with the worst franchise in sports, the Oakland Raiders. If you look closely, you can see the strings in Spanos’ arms and AJ doing his best impression of Ghepetto. Rumor has it the Democrats may want to run Spanos for the White House in 2008.
Toodaloo Tiki
Tiki Barber is a quitter. Let’s get real. He’s not a hero or a guy being smart and saving his body, he is, in fact, a gutless wonder. He was a mediocre NFL back with big time fumblitis prior to Tom Coughlin arriving in Giantland. Coughlin cured his disease of putting the ball on the ground and helped Tiki become all-world. 3-4 more years at his current pace and he was a lock for Canton. Now he’s a lock for The Today Show. Matt Lauer never helped anyone get that bronze bust, pal. It’s not bad enough to quit, but on his way out of the locker room he took the time to rip the coach that was responsible for his game going to the next level. Fucking ingrate. Reminds me of another memorable chicken-shit running back who quit in his prime, Barry Sanders. I will not mention Jim Brown, since he might read this, hunt me down and snack on my spine.
Pacman Should Eat-A-Bullet
Ok, the details are still sketchy in the Las Vegas incident involving Adam “Pacman” Jones of the Tenessee Titans, but if it is proven the shooter, shot 3 people (2 bouncers and a female customer) at a strip joint, was part of “Pacman’s” entourage, he should be thrown out of the NFL for life and arrested for accessory to murder. Douche-scumbag.
Truer Words
Years ago, when the greatest mouthpiece of all time, Sir Charles Barkley, utter the famous quote “I am not a role-model,” no one knew how profound Charles was being. Athletes should be enjoyed on the field and educated of it. Between the thugs in the NBA, the bruts in the NHL and ass-clowns in the NFL, athletes as role-models are a thing of the past. Not to mention the synthetically swollen head of one Barry Lamar Bonds. Where have you gone Donnie Baseball? On a side note, if Dean Spanos decides to run in the 2008 election, Deputy Dog fully endorse Sir Charles Barkley for President.
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