Fireworks, Volume 3

Editorial Note: Each edition of Fireworks will now begin with a new recurring segment called The DogHouse, where yours truly Deputy Dog lets you know which team/player/owner/coach/gm/league/commissioner is in and which one is out based on recent events. Those in The DogHouse did something stupid or wrong and those out of The DogHouse probably had a good week. Enjoy.

The DogHouse
Who’s In: Chris Simon, winger – New York Islanders. His absolute assault on New York Rangers’ Ryan Hollweg was nothing short of reprehensible. Simon two handed throat chop with his stick made Todd Bertuzzi smile someplace. If Gary Bettman drops the ball on handling this situation, look for his ass to be in The DogHouse next week.

Who’s Out: Tom Brady, quarterback – New England Patriots. It has been alleged this week that Brady’s passes are not the only thing that is deadly accurate. After it was revealed that Brady was expecting his first child with former girlfriend and hottie actress Bridget Moynahan, a Brazilian website is now reporting that Brady is also expecting a child with current (rebound) girlfriend supermodel Giselle Bundchen. Way to go Captain Clutch.

Let the Madness Begin
Deputy Dog dislikes college basketball. The only sport Deputy Dog dislikes more is soccer (not only because any game where you can’t use your hands is stupid, but also due to a nasty concussion he suffered several years back now). Millions of fans disagree with Deputy Dog on this one and this is their time of year to shine. With most of the minor conference tournaments done and the majors underway, March Madness is starting to turn up the heat. Selection Sunday is on the horizon and brackets everywhere are salivating. Perennial powers are not so powerful, with UCONN in all likelihood out and Duke on the bubble; mid-major at-large teams are in a fever. About half the dance cards have been punched and the second most wagered on sporting event of the year is coming in force. Deputy Dog could care less. The Dog will not watch a single game (including the championship), the Dog will not fill out a bracket (that’s saying a lot for a borderline compulsive gambler) and the only effect this will have on The Dog is the two week impact the tournament has on CBS television. The Dog now has to watch Survivor on Wednesday nights for two weeks instead of Thursday, motherfucker. The one good thing about the NCAA Basketball Tournament is that it is a better playoff system than the BCS. Other than that, BIG DEAL.

Chain Reaction
Every action has an equal and opposite reaction. It seems like every move in NFL free agency has a reaction by something happening with a starting running back. The Jets did a big something in acquiring running back Thomas Jones from the Bears, who in reaction have done a big nothing. The Colts did a big something in winning the Superbowl, the reaction is running back Dominic Rhodes signing a big deal to play in Oakland next season. Jamal Lewis signed a big deal in Cleveland; the reaction was the Ravens trading 3 picks to Buffalo for RB Willis McGahee and the Browns trading running back Ruben Droughns to the New York Giants. The Bills are still reacting to that trade with visits from Corey Dillon, Chris Brown and other free agent running backs (there are also rumors that the Bills may try to trade up the draft board to number 2 in order to draft Oklahoma running back Adrian Petersen). Deputy Dog cannot keep up. The pace of trades and free agent signing triggering more trades has been frantic. Every mock draft in creation is now useless with all the changes and every virtual GM in fantasy football land has their head spinning. What is the next move on the carousel of chaos? My money is on the signing of Corey Dillon to either the Bills or Packers which will in turn trigger the trade of Randy Moss out of Oakland. Thank god Deputy Dog has a solid no-trade clause in his contract; I could have wound-up playing tight-end for the 49ers next year.

Video Gamers Beware
25 completions on 33 attempts for 373 yards and 10 touchdowns. No, that is not a stat line from Madden Football 2007 (now available on PSP); it is, however, the line of former Tampa Bay Buccaneers QB Shaun King, now playing for the Las Vegas Gladiators of the Arena Football League. Deputy Dog attended his first live Arena game last year and saw an overtime classic between the Philadelphia Soul and eventual Arena Bowl Champion Chicago Rush. Any league where every team in the league averages 40+ points per game is a good thing. Offense is entertainment, though you would never know that this is the 21st season of Arena Football action. Another nice part of this is that NFL washouts like Shaun King, Clint Dozel and Kevin Swayne have a place to play. The game is fast and exciting, which makes it interesting. Dozel set an Arena League record last season with 105 TD passes….those are backyards numbers. Any kid that ever told one of his friends, “Hey, go down to the Buick and cut in, I’ll hit you,” has to love the AFL. The fraternity of AFL stars is growing via ownership, including former NFL stars John Elway and Ron Jaworski, as well as rock-star Jon Bon Jovi, all of whom are part owners of AFL franchises. If the thought of seeing flag football on HGH excites you, Deputy Dog recommends that you check out the AFL on Monday nights on ESPN.