An NFL Column That is WAY Less Annoying than Anything Written by Peter King

“Gimmie a pen, I’m signing. You’re signing. We’re all signing.” That’s a line from one of Deputy Dog’s favorite movies and it is also the apparent motto of the 2007 NFL Free Agent class.
Free agency opened at 12:01am on Friday and it has been fast and furious action ever since. The signings have average 3 to 4 per hour and the money has gotten stupid. Since when is an offensive lineman, not named Ogden or Boselli or Munoz, worth $7 million per year? Are you serious? Teams have shed “dead” weight to make room for their new prizes. Notable cuts include QB Drew Bledsoe, LB Joey Porter and WR Joe Horn.

Patriot Games
The usually patient and savvy New England Patriots have led the way in the free agent market signing LB Adelius Thomas away from the Baltimore Ravens and trading for WR Wes Welker from the Miami Dolphins. The usually draft conscious Pats have tried to fill holes through the free agent market prior to reaching draft weekend. Pats VP of Personnel Scott Pioli is a mad scientist, so we have to trust his judgment, but the latest rumor out of Foxboro has the Pats entertaining a possible trade for known locker room cancer Randy Moss. If Terrell Owens was such a pain in the ass that he caused Bill Parcells to retire, what effect will Randy Moss have on Bill Belichick?

Bear Market
Big losers in the free agent market, the Chicago Bears have now traded RB Thomas Jones to the New York Jets along with their 2nd round pick in this year’s draft, in exchange for the Jets round 2 pick, moving the Bears up the board 37 places. I have seen the draft value chart the organizations use and I say it sucks. Jones is only the 3rd RB in NFL history to have back-to-back 1200 plus yard seasons and then change teams. This is a great move by GANG GREEN and has the leave the Bears fans wondering, what the fuck is going on in Chi-town? The were reluctant to pay the coach who led them to the Super Bowl this year, they lost their defensive coordinator over cash, they have done nothing to address the issue at QB and now their dominant outside LB, who they slapped with the franchise tag, wants out of town. The Monsters of the Midway are working their way towards being the Buffoons of the Business.

Other Winners and Losers
Tampa Bay has collected a pair of quarterbacks (Jeff Garcia and the “retired” Jake Plummer) to go with the 2 they already had, which makes me wonder – does John Gruden have a charm bracelet for his QB’s? The 49ers paid Nate Clements $80 millions for 8 years, why? Joey Porter relocated to Miami as the Dolphins ponied up a guaranteed $20 million deal. Do you think he negotiated the same way Bernie Mac did in Ocean’s Eleven?