Tale of the Tape

Karstens v. Igawa

Jeff Karstens has caused quite the buzz over the past few weeks, pitching so well that there has been talk of him unseating Kei Igawa as the fifth starter for the Yankees. Make no mistake, I am fully aware that he has outpitched the Japanese import thus far, but the fact remains that it is spring training. Kei Igawa will hold a spot in the rotation to start the season and, in my opinion, rightfuly so.

Although I was not in favor of the Yankees paying a rigoddamneddiculous amount of money in a posting fee for Igawa, topped with a healthy contract, they did. And now it is imperative that they attempt to recover a return on that investment. The Yankees are the richest team in American sport, but the fact remains there is no reason to committ $46 million to a pitcher and push him into the bullpen for a kid who is taking advantage of guys who havent swung a bat in three months. Even though he had a better outing in his last start, Igawa was far from perfect. It was easily the least impressive 5 innings of two-hit baseball i have ever seen. His fastball was consistently up in the zone, and his command in general was just not impressive. What do you think will happen if he throws a letter high, 91 MPH fastball and Manny Ramirez is in the box and not Brent Abernathy? (By the way, am I the only one who thought Brent Abernathy retired in like '91? Maybe I am crazy).

Jeff Karstens, save for his last outing, has been nothing short of perfect this spring. He has shown command with his fastball on both sides of the plate, along with a knee buckling curveball. Plus, he joins players like Willie McGee and Randy Johnson on the "All-Time Hiddeous Team". Im sorry, but this guy is just back-of-my-ballsack ugly. When he makes the satraining pitcher face, he looks just like Butthead. Looks aside, Karstens has proved that he can pitch at the Major League level and be effective. He has made the most of his oportunity, and should be rewarded; eventually. Now, unfortuneately for Karstens, is thing that time.

There is a solution to this, albeit repeatedly denied by Yankees management. A solution that would allow the team to have both of these deserving pitchers a spot in the rotation. What is that solution, you ask? That's right - TRADE CARL PAVANO. Jimmy Dugan would be dancing in the streets if we somehow turned this bum into a second tier prospect, and Brian "Rumplestiltskin" Cashman is just the man to do it. This may seem contradictory to the previous statements on Igawa, but I don't give a shit. After two years, four wins, $17 million, and one ass bruise, it is time for the Yankees to cut their losses with Carl Pavano.

I know it is a great theory, and it proves that I could easily be a GM in the major leagues, but it will never happened. So Karstens goes from potential five starter on the greatest franchise in the history of sports, to the future three starter on the Scranton- Wilkes Barre Yankees. Plus he's awful looking. It is just raining shit on Jeff Karstens.