The hits just keep on coming

I know that I don't usually post videos, but between this and the Wally Backman meltdown, it's been pure gold this week. The best part about this video is A-Rod looks so young, and Jeter and his flat top look like this could have been taped yesterday.

For once, my optimism is tempered

Not only have the Yankees pulled into a tie for first place with the Ex-Rays, but ESPN has them toppling them in the Power Rankings, and Lord knows how important that is. But don't all run to your online betting sites and bet your mortgage on the Yankees just yet.

Before we all start tickling each other's taints, let's be realistic about one thing: the most irreplaceable Yankees (non-Rivera category) has not played since Thursday. When Alex Rodriguez left Thursday's game, I almost threw up. Say what you will about his perceived lack of power this year, but there is not a single everyday player on the Yankees that is more valuable than Alex Rodriguez.

After clawing back to pull even with Tampa, the Yankees are in need of the going-into-the-All-Star-break push that allows them to ride their typically-strong second half to October (hyphen much?). With Ramiro "Powerhouse" Pena at the bottom of the lineup, that just doesn't seem realistic.

Not all doom and gloom, though. Alex Rodriguez could return to the lineup, and the Yankees could take a struggling Phillies team behind the woodshed in a three game set. But keep an eye on A-Rod, because the Yankees' fate in 2010 may be more attached to his groin than Cameron Diaz ( I am so topical! Fuck Perez Hilton!).

Not the same Twins

After years of being an overachieving, scrappy, no-pop, well managed, gritty squad, it seems as though the Twins are taking a different route.

Gone are the days of slappy hitters up and down the lineup. For years all we heard was how the Twins had no power in their lineup, and now you are seeing Mauer, Morneau, and Cuddyer as offensive forces, and a power bat in Jim Thome coming off the bench. The firepower is there.

You know what else is there? The money. On the YES broadcast today, Michael Kay said that the Twinkies' payroll had eclipsed the $100 million mark this season, placing them above the mega-market Dodgers on the list.

The wave of changes has even reached Manager Ron Gardenhire. Long respected for his baseball acumen, Gardy trotted Matt Guerrier out to face A-Rod after intentionally walking Mark Teixeira to load the bases. Let me break that down for you: the Twins intentionally walked a hitter in FRONT of Alex Rodriguez to load the bases in a one run game in the 7th inning, and brought a pitcher in that A-Rod was 4 for 6 off of. Oh, by the way, 3 of those 4 hits happened to be home runs. A-Rod took just two pitches to deposit a go-ahead granny into the lefct centerfield seats. Wow. Just, wow.

You know what hasn't changed? The Twins absolutely can not figure out how to beat the Yankees in this or any other Yankee Stadium. Change is good, as long as there is some continuity mixed in.

A-Rod can't keep away from the old bitches

According to OK! Magazine Alex Rodriguez and Cameron Diaz were spotted kissing or canoodling or whateverthefuck. Some guys walk into a party and look for the hottest girl to hook up with, but A-Rod's dick is different. It follows fame like a fucking GPS. Look, aside from Manny Ramirez, Alex Rodriguez is the best right-handed hitter that we have seen, but this bullshit sideshow just has to stop. He won back a ton of people this year, and became about as popular as a confirmed wife-cheating douchebag can be, but he just seems hell bent on fucking it up again. The whole Kate Hudson thing was fine I guess, but the fact is that he should be out pounding 22 year old models, not chasing around has-been pushing 40. If there is one thing you can learn from Derek Jeter, it's how to bang chicks. Catch them before they are mega famous (Scarlett Johansson, Jessica Alba), not when they are hitting the downslope (Madonna, Kate Hudson). That being said, if he hits 50 bombs I could care less if he is fucking corpses between innings.

5.

The Yankees take Game 4 with CC and Arod tearing it up in a 10-1 rout of the Angels of Anaheim. An A-Bomb from Arod broke things open in the 5th, then a 2-run shot by Damon in the 8th, and a 3-run 9th inning sealed the deal as CC dominated Angels' hitters all night. Scotty Kazmir threw a lot of pitches (90 in 4 innings), and got the loss, giving up 4 runs to the Bronx Bombers. Great night to be a Yankees fan.

CC Sabathia: 8 IP, 5 H, 1 ER, 2 BB, 5 K

Arod: 3-4, 2B, HR, 2 RBI, SB, BB, K

Yanks got a day off and play game 5 in LA on Thursday. See ya then folks...

Holy Makeup Call, Batman

Foot on base. Ball in glove. Nice job by Tim McClelland evening the score after Swisher was picked off at second. Luckily, the Best Player We Have Ever Seen hit another home run and it doesn't fucking matter.

6.

ALMOST, but not yet...

What's more to say about Game 2 then "WOW!". Arod. Holy Shit! 0-2 count from Fuentes....POW! PING! SEE YA! An A-BOMB, from AROD!! Way to come up big Jerry Jr.

I was watchin the game on TV (sigh, nothing like being there like Friday night), and what a fuckin' great game it was. To be honest with you, I was drinking Ketel and beers all throughout the game, which last about 5 1/2 hours almost. To say the least, the bottle of Ketel was done and most of the beers as well by the time Arod hit that shot off that bum.

Runners on first and second, 1 out, and that jabroni Macier Izturis tried to turn a double play. A reeeeeeeeeeeaaaal Munson. That's how it ended.

But during the game, El Capitan himself blasted a homer, letting everyone know that he owns the fucking postseason.

I do need to address something though to the skip. WHY DID YOU USE SO MANY PITCHERS?!?!?!? Burnett, Coke, Joba, Hughes, Rivera, Aceves, Marte, and Robertson. Shit Joe, I thought Swisher would be coming in after Robertson. End result, the Skip wins. But it was a real nail-biter.

All in all, we head out to Cali to take the rest of this series.

Go Yanks. SWEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEP.

This is not a reprint

Alex Rodriguez watches his two-run, go-ahead homerun (this time off of Jarrod Washburn) leave the park in the sixth inning. A-Rod is teh suck.

Go ahead two run home runs in the 7th inning= Not clutch

The Balls' Bold Prediction: A-Rod finishes the '09 season with 30+ home runs.

The rumors of A-Rod's demise have been greatly exaggerated

Rest easy, Yankee fans. He is still Alex Rodriguez. It's not like he got off PED's and took two months to hit his first home run. And then took curtain calls for the first FOUR home runs he actually did hit. Right, Papi?

A note to Joe Girardi

This picture presents concrete evidence that, yes, Alex Rodriguez has the ability to run. Apparently you had no idea that this was possible, as he was stationary at first base through Robinson Cano's entire nine-pitch at bat in the ninth inning with the tying run at third and one out.

If A-Rod's hip is still that much of a concern (I can't believe I am about to say this) then maybe Angel Berroa should have replaced him at first base. The bottom line is that the double play was the Nats only way out of that jam, and you did nothing to attempt to eliminate that possibility.

Please be sure to remove your head from your rectum next time, it makes managing the game infinitly simpler.

XOXO,

Jimmy Dugan

Are you kidding?

As you well know, the Yankees start a three game series with the Boston Red Sox tonight at Fenway.

Over at Boston Dirt Dogs, they posted this piece of garbage to welcome the Yanks, mostly Alex Rodriguez to the shittiest town on earth. The fact that these morons have the testicular fortitude to demonize an already flawed character like A-Rod is curious considering of the two players that CARRIED them to championships, Manny Ramirez is serving a fifty game suspension for the use of PED's, and David Ortiz' production has miraculously plummeted like an AirFrance flight over the past two years (holy run-on sentence Batman - what am I Dennis Miller??).

Maybe it's time we put this to bed boys, no?

Attention Yankee fans: Wake up

The Yankees dropped last night's game to the Rangers 4-2 at the Stadium. Fine. It was their seventh loss in the last twenty five games, so we as educated Yankee fans should be understand that sometimes games like that happen, right?

No such luck. Not only were the natives restless in the Bronx, there was some booing of Alex Rodriguez when he failed in clutch situations. Since A-Rod's return, the Yankees have been on an absolute tear, going 18-7 and watching names like Teixeira, Jeter, and Damon awaken to become the players that they were expected to be. Yet, we still boo A-Rod.

So as brutal as Yankee fans are to their own, one would expect that Andy Pettitte felt the wrath after having (another) terrible start, right? Nope. Andy still gets a pass for things that he accomplished a decade (or more) ago. The shield that surrounds the "Players of the Dynasty" seems impenetrable to many fans. Poor performances, ridiculous contract demands (we're looking at you Mo and Jorge), and even PED usage are forgiven by the Yankee fans when attached to these golden boys.

New York sports fans have long been complimented on their knowledge of the games that they watch. Always cheering a sacrifice bunt, always booing the run call on third and long. Yet for some reason, we throw intelligence to the wind when dealing with Alex Rodriguez, a.k.a. the BEST player on this team. It's time that we as a group put an end to this nonsense, and appreciate his capabilities. No need to kiss his ass, but the ignorance is getting out of hand - we can't all be PeteAbe's about it.

Looks like somedoby is due for a piss test

5 for 5, 4 RBIs in 11-1 route of Texas

What a difference a gay makes

Though he has hit some dramatic homeruns since his return from the DL, The Alex Rodriguez Show has yet to hit stride with the bat. His real impact thus far has happened while standing in the on deck circle.

Mark Teixeira has been the player that the Yankees paid in the 10 games since Alex's return:

Before:

25 G, .198 AVG, 5 HR, 15RBI

After:

10 G, .342 AVG, 5 HR, 13 RBI

(stats courtest of the MLB Network, a.k.a. the greatest thing to happen to me since my second nut dropped)

Once Rodruguez returns to form, this offense will be downright scary.

Thanks, we needed that

After watching Ramiro Pena, Cody Ransom and Angel Berroa form a three-headed suck monster over the first five weeks of the season, Yankees third baseman Alex Rodriguez returned on Friday night. The picture above is A-Rod going deep on the first pitch he saw, officially hitting more homeruns in one at bat than Pena, Berroa, and Ransom hit this season COMBINED.

Happy A-Rod Day

Is it OK to panic yet?

With Chien Ming Wang's much ballyhooed struggles and Xavier Nady going down quicker than a polo horse, not to mention the fact that Cody Ransom is playing third base, there are plenty of question marks surrounding the Yankees as we head in to the third week of this young regular season. Third. Week.

The good news is that Alex Rodriguez appears to be ahead of schedule (though Joe Girardi refuses to admit it), and that Chien Ming Wang could not POSSIBLY be this bad all season. The Elias Sports Bureau says that he is the first pitcher in Major League history to allow 7 or more runs in three consecutive starts, so I am guess that a shaved ape would get decent odds to have some sort of rebound in their fourth start.

For now, the Yankees have the option to skip Wang's turn in the rotation and maintain regular rest for the rest of the staff, but that won't last forever. Since starting pitchers in modern baseball throw complete games about as often as Lindsay Lohan spends a day sober (ZING!) , the five man rotation is obviously a necessity. Luckily, the team has a capable stable of arms in Scranton-Wilkes Barre-Philadelphia-Pittsburgh-Intercourse tthat should be able to pick up slack. Perennial prospect Phil Hughes has been solid in AAA thus far, and Ian Kennedy is back to form as a dominant starter in the minor leagues. Throw in names like Alfredo Aceves, Jason Johnson, and Kei Igawa (God, it was painful to write that), and the Yankees have the ability to hold down the fort while Wang figures out what the hell is going on.

As for the offense, the return of Alex Rodriguez will obviously provide a large boost to the lineup, especially with the seeming inability of the New Yankee Stadium to keep the baseball within the confines of its walls. The level of suckitude provided by Cody Ransom is almost astonishing. Nick Swisher will not ride this high all season, and the thought of seeing lineups that include both Brett Gardner and Melky Cabrera has actually forced me to contemplate suicide. This is now a very thin team, and Brian Cashman has his work cut out for him to find some depth (Oh, wait, it looks like this guy is available!).

All of that being said, it is the third week of the season, and despite the cloud of uncertainty, the team has managed to keep its record over .500 (7-6) and keep pace with a Boston team that will be around when the smoke clears and the Blue Jays start being the Blue Jays again. So, no, don't panic.

Client #13?

According to a report** from the New York Daily News, Alex Rodriguez has been linked to the same prostitution ring that cost former New York Governor Eliot Spitzer his job. Did I say linked? What I meant to say was not only did A-Rod use the service for "dates", he actually dated Kristin Davis, the madam of the operation.

The article makes Rodriguez look like a lost little school girl, peppering Davis with emails until she finally would meet with him. Although some would be shocked, I have to say that this is as big a story as my commute into work this morning. Newsflash to the country: rich pricks buy hookers. Since Mr. Rodriguez explicitly meets those criteria, it should come as no surprise that he was plowing the occasional "lady of the night" whilst he was married. The man is an imbecile, so lets stop paying attention. According to Buster Olney, that's what the rest of his team has done.

**Editor's note: Since I am not in the business of peddling smut, I will not post a picture of Kristen Davis here. What I will do, however, is recommend that you follow the link to the report, because she is definitely worth a look. I assure you that this is not another case of Alex showing the world his mommy issues by dating a 65 year old washed up pincushion.

F*ck.

According to a report from ESPN Deportes, Alex Rodriguez's brother has been telling people that the third baseman is scheduled to have hip surgery to remove a cyst. He went on to say that it will take A-Rod out of action for 10 weeks. After doing math quietly in your head like I just did, you will realize that that timeframe will include up to the first 6 weeks of the season.

This could be the worst possible news for a team that NEEDS to get off to a good start. After the money that was spent this offseason the pressure is immeasurable on people like Joe Girardi and Brian Cashman, and losing the best player in the world does not bode well for either of them. I don't care how high Cody Ransom can jump, he's just not enough.

So here's hoping that the report from a sometimes-right news source obtained from A-Rod's sister's-gardener's-college roommate is inaccurate.