Yankees Begin Final Tuneup for Actual Major League Season by Playing the Devil Rays
Headlines
- Bonus Baby: Scouts Project Christopher Lidle as Mets 2008 Opening Day Starter
- Let's not freak out, but Pavano looked OK for almost five innings
- Posada solid as always; just as commonly overlooked
- Wow, ARod really sucks
- Damon Leaves Game Due to Vaginitis - Pap Smears Negative
- The Kids are Alright: When not commiting felonies, the Rays' youngsters can play
- Bullpen strength: Bruney, Henn, Vizcaino, Farnsworth, and Rivera combine for 4 2/3 shutout innings
- No Shit: Not One Team in the Major Leagues Wanted Andy Phillips
4/2/07
Jimmy Duggan on Location: Spring Training 2007
One would imagine that a three hour flight to watch a game that doesn't count for anything would not be much of a thrill for a life-long Yankee fan who longs for the pressure-filled contests of late September. But to the contrary, my first trip to Legends Field was both exciting and memorable from beginning to end.
I couldn't believe what I was feeling as our hotel shuttle appoached One Steinbrenner Way (that's right, he named the street after himself; and this is why I love this man). It was the same feeling I had when I was seven years old and my parents were driving me to my first Yankee game. Goosebumps. I had goosebumps in 85 degree heat. The shuttle let us off right in front of Legends Field, and I was awestruck. I say "we" because I was accompanied by the First Lady of the Fowl Balls empire, my beautiful girlfriend. So, as you may imagine, I was doing my best to play it cool and avoid her finding out that I am a complete dork; this lasted for about seven minutes.
The first thing we saw as we got off the bus was a grass area that displayed the numbers that have been retired throughout Yankee history. To be able to see these up close without having to show up at the stadium four hours early so you can get into monument park was amazing. Though it was incredibly challenging, I resisted the urge to take a picture of each one with my digital camera in front of the First Lady. It was at this point that she informed me that she had to powder her nose, so I reluctantly waited for her to return as I watched a few of the pitchers that the Yankees had in camp from a distance as they got their tossing in on an adjacent field. My keen knowledge recognized Mike Mussina, Carl Pavano, Brian Bruney, and Chien-Ming Wang. When the First Lady returned, I tried not to rip her arm out of the socket to get a closer look. I watched intently through a chain link fence as the group of pitchers got loose, and then it happened. As Pavano finished his session and started walking toward our piece of fence, it happened; the exchange that follows is an exact account of the conversation that took place between myself and the First Lady:
FL - "Who is that"
JD - "Carl Pavano"
FL - "He's hot!"
JD - "No he isn't, hes a pussy"
FL - "Let's go get his autograph"
At first I was aphalled that she had the nerve to comment about Pavano, of all people. Then I saw an opening: if we DID get his autograph, I could go completely fruitcake fanboy and she would think it was her idea all along! As we ran, yes, ran, to the Clubhouse store, I was thankful that the Yankees signed Pavano for the first time. I bought a 5x7 aerial photo of Legends Field and a Sharpie marker, and we headed back to the fence. Carl was gone, but there were now others signing by the fence, and more pitchers were throwing than before. (Sidenote: as I was watching the second wave of pitchers throw, something struck me; Mike Myers was throwing overhand while he was tossing. WHAT THE HELL? Do what the Yankees pay you to do while you are on their time. Throw sidearm asshole.) Anyways, the Frst Lady and I proceeded to work a two-man game that Stockton and Malone would be proud of. We seemlessly transitioned between autograph seeker and photographer, making several pristine handoffs in the process. When all was said and done, we had obtained signatures from Scott Proctor, Darrell Rasner, and prospect Mark Melancon along with multiple pictures of each. Whatever coolness I maintained when we got to the stadium was now completely shot to shit.
By the time we entered the stadium, I had my camera bag strapped across my chest like Indiana Jones, looking like a complete douche. The inside of Legends field is completely breathetaking. Just like its Bronx counterpart, it has what looks to be the greenest grass in with world, along with the same trademark facade of the House that Ruth Built. I truly hope that the players on the Tampa Yankees are aware of how priveledged they are, because I have been to some complete crap holes in my Minor League travels.
After we took it all in, it was time to watch baseball. In the first inning, the First Lady had the quote of the afternoon:
FL - "I miss Yankee Stadium. These fans are boring. It's like there is a mass going on"
After I had a nice giggle, I explained that Yankee fans really don't give a shit about spring training: it's just an opportunity to get better seats thatn you can afford up north.
Ok, now some analysis. Kei Igawa started the game, and I am less than thrilled that the Yankees have put so much stock in him. Once again, his stat line was not an eyesore, but it just did not tell the whole story. Igawa was missing spots by feet rather than inches, nearly dislocating Jorge Posada's shoulder on several pitches. Mariano Rivera threw a perfect inning, looking sharp as always. The highlight of the day (for me, anyway) was watching newly annointed Yankee Josh Phelps dril his fourth home run of the spring over the left field wall. Though it may be disappointing, that is all the baseball there was to talk about on this day. After all, it is spring training and as a true Yankee fan, I didn't give a shit about what went on on the field. The game ended in a 3-3 tie for Christ's sakes.
The afternoon ended with me taking a picture of every retired number in front of the stadium. Not only did the First Lady not call me gay, she even asked someone to take a picture of the two of us in front of Mattingly's number 23. Looks like this one's a keeper, folks.
I couldn't believe what I was feeling as our hotel shuttle appoached One Steinbrenner Way (that's right, he named the street after himself; and this is why I love this man). It was the same feeling I had when I was seven years old and my parents were driving me to my first Yankee game. Goosebumps. I had goosebumps in 85 degree heat. The shuttle let us off right in front of Legends Field, and I was awestruck. I say "we" because I was accompanied by the First Lady of the Fowl Balls empire, my beautiful girlfriend. So, as you may imagine, I was doing my best to play it cool and avoid her finding out that I am a complete dork; this lasted for about seven minutes.
The first thing we saw as we got off the bus was a grass area that displayed the numbers that have been retired throughout Yankee history. To be able to see these up close without having to show up at the stadium four hours early so you can get into monument park was amazing. Though it was incredibly challenging, I resisted the urge to take a picture of each one with my digital camera in front of the First Lady. It was at this point that she informed me that she had to powder her nose, so I reluctantly waited for her to return as I watched a few of the pitchers that the Yankees had in camp from a distance as they got their tossing in on an adjacent field. My keen knowledge recognized Mike Mussina, Carl Pavano, Brian Bruney, and Chien-Ming Wang. When the First Lady returned, I tried not to rip her arm out of the socket to get a closer look. I watched intently through a chain link fence as the group of pitchers got loose, and then it happened. As Pavano finished his session and started walking toward our piece of fence, it happened; the exchange that follows is an exact account of the conversation that took place between myself and the First Lady:
FL - "Who is that"
JD - "Carl Pavano"
FL - "He's hot!"
JD - "No he isn't, hes a pussy"
FL - "Let's go get his autograph"
At first I was aphalled that she had the nerve to comment about Pavano, of all people. Then I saw an opening: if we DID get his autograph, I could go completely fruitcake fanboy and she would think it was her idea all along! As we ran, yes, ran, to the Clubhouse store, I was thankful that the Yankees signed Pavano for the first time. I bought a 5x7 aerial photo of Legends Field and a Sharpie marker, and we headed back to the fence. Carl was gone, but there were now others signing by the fence, and more pitchers were throwing than before. (Sidenote: as I was watching the second wave of pitchers throw, something struck me; Mike Myers was throwing overhand while he was tossing. WHAT THE HELL? Do what the Yankees pay you to do while you are on their time. Throw sidearm asshole.) Anyways, the Frst Lady and I proceeded to work a two-man game that Stockton and Malone would be proud of. We seemlessly transitioned between autograph seeker and photographer, making several pristine handoffs in the process. When all was said and done, we had obtained signatures from Scott Proctor, Darrell Rasner, and prospect Mark Melancon along with multiple pictures of each. Whatever coolness I maintained when we got to the stadium was now completely shot to shit.
By the time we entered the stadium, I had my camera bag strapped across my chest like Indiana Jones, looking like a complete douche. The inside of Legends field is completely breathetaking. Just like its Bronx counterpart, it has what looks to be the greenest grass in with world, along with the same trademark facade of the House that Ruth Built. I truly hope that the players on the Tampa Yankees are aware of how priveledged they are, because I have been to some complete crap holes in my Minor League travels.
After we took it all in, it was time to watch baseball. In the first inning, the First Lady had the quote of the afternoon:
FL - "I miss Yankee Stadium. These fans are boring. It's like there is a mass going on"
After I had a nice giggle, I explained that Yankee fans really don't give a shit about spring training: it's just an opportunity to get better seats thatn you can afford up north.
Ok, now some analysis. Kei Igawa started the game, and I am less than thrilled that the Yankees have put so much stock in him. Once again, his stat line was not an eyesore, but it just did not tell the whole story. Igawa was missing spots by feet rather than inches, nearly dislocating Jorge Posada's shoulder on several pitches. Mariano Rivera threw a perfect inning, looking sharp as always. The highlight of the day (for me, anyway) was watching newly annointed Yankee Josh Phelps dril his fourth home run of the spring over the left field wall. Though it may be disappointing, that is all the baseball there was to talk about on this day. After all, it is spring training and as a true Yankee fan, I didn't give a shit about what went on on the field. The game ended in a 3-3 tie for Christ's sakes.
The afternoon ended with me taking a picture of every retired number in front of the stadium. Not only did the First Lady not call me gay, she even asked someone to take a picture of the two of us in front of Mattingly's number 23. Looks like this one's a keeper, folks.
3/22/07
Tale of the Tape
Karstens v. Igawa
Jeff Karstens has caused quite the buzz over the past few weeks, pitching so well that there has been talk of him unseating Kei Igawa as the fifth starter for the Yankees. Make no mistake, I am fully aware that he has outpitched the Japanese import thus far, but the fact remains that it is spring training. Kei Igawa will hold a spot in the rotation to start the season and, in my opinion, rightfuly so.
Although I was not in favor of the Yankees paying a rigoddamneddiculous amount of money in a posting fee for Igawa, topped with a healthy contract, they did. And now it is imperative that they attempt to recover a return on that investment. The Yankees are the richest team in American sport, but the fact remains there is no reason to committ $46 million to a pitcher and push him into the bullpen for a kid who is taking advantage of guys who havent swung a bat in three months. Even though he had a better outing in his last start, Igawa was far from perfect. It was easily the least impressive 5 innings of two-hit baseball i have ever seen. His fastball was consistently up in the zone, and his command in general was just not impressive. What do you think will happen if he throws a letter high, 91 MPH fastball and Manny Ramirez is in the box and not Brent Abernathy? (By the way, am I the only one who thought Brent Abernathy retired in like '91? Maybe I am crazy).
Jeff Karstens, save for his last outing, has been nothing short of perfect this spring. He has shown command with his fastball on both sides of the plate, along with a knee buckling curveball. Plus, he joins players like Willie McGee and Randy Johnson on the "All-Time Hiddeous Team". Im sorry, but this guy is just back-of-my-ballsack ugly. When he makes the satraining pitcher face, he looks just like Butthead. Looks aside, Karstens has proved that he can pitch at the Major League level and be effective. He has made the most of his oportunity, and should be rewarded; eventually. Now, unfortuneately for Karstens, is thing that time.
There is a solution to this, albeit repeatedly denied by Yankees management. A solution that would allow the team to have both of these deserving pitchers a spot in the rotation. What is that solution, you ask? That's right - TRADE CARL PAVANO. Jimmy Dugan would be dancing in the streets if we somehow turned this bum into a second tier prospect, and Brian "Rumplestiltskin" Cashman is just the man to do it. This may seem contradictory to the previous statements on Igawa, but I don't give a shit. After two years, four wins, $17 million, and one ass bruise, it is time for the Yankees to cut their losses with Carl Pavano.
I know it is a great theory, and it proves that I could easily be a GM in the major leagues, but it will never happened. So Karstens goes from potential five starter on the greatest franchise in the history of sports, to the future three starter on the Scranton- Wilkes Barre Yankees. Plus he's awful looking. It is just raining shit on Jeff Karstens.
I am ashamed of what our society has become...
What kind of country do we live in when a hard working man can't have a few drinks with dinner and get a little shut-eye?3/20/07
Joey Porter is a Pussy
Sure he punched a six foot seven, three hundred pound offensive lineman in the face, but don't all athletes carry guns? No brandishing? No pistol whipping? By my estimation, this is the lamest, most uneventful legal flap in Cincinnati Bengals history. Chris Henry is going to be calling Levi Jones a bitch in training camp for this headline. Why didn't he just retaliate by killing Porter? The fact is, Jones probably could have gotten off on any long term jail sentence by simply turning states evidence on his own receiving corps.
Source: http://sports.espn.go.com/espn/wire?section=nfl&id=2804677
Source: http://sports.espn.go.com/espn/wire?section=nfl&id=2804677
Fireworks, Volume 3
Editorial Note: Each edition of Fireworks will now begin with a new recurring segment called The DogHouse, where yours truly Deputy Dog lets you know which team/player/owner/coach/gm/league/commissioner is in and which one is out based on recent events. Those in The DogHouse did something stupid or wrong and those out of The DogHouse probably had a good week. Enjoy.
The DogHouse
Who’s In: Chris Simon, winger – New York Islanders. His absolute assault on New York Rangers’ Ryan Hollweg was nothing short of reprehensible. Simon two handed throat chop with his stick made Todd Bertuzzi smile someplace. If Gary Bettman drops the ball on handling this situation, look for his ass to be in The DogHouse next week.
Who’s Out: Tom Brady, quarterback – New England Patriots. It has been alleged this week that Brady’s passes are not the only thing that is deadly accurate. After it was revealed that Brady was expecting his first child with former girlfriend and hottie actress Bridget Moynahan, a Brazilian website is now reporting that Brady is also expecting a child with current (rebound) girlfriend supermodel Giselle Bundchen. Way to go Captain Clutch.
Let the Madness Begin
Deputy Dog dislikes college basketball. The only sport Deputy Dog dislikes more is soccer (not only because any game where you can’t use your hands is stupid, but also due to a nasty concussion he suffered several years back now). Millions of fans disagree with Deputy Dog on this one and this is their time of year to shine. With most of the minor conference tournaments done and the majors underway, March Madness is starting to turn up the heat. Selection Sunday is on the horizon and brackets everywhere are salivating. Perennial powers are not so powerful, with UCONN in all likelihood out and Duke on the bubble; mid-major at-large teams are in a fever. About half the dance cards have been punched and the second most wagered on sporting event of the year is coming in force. Deputy Dog could care less. The Dog will not watch a single game (including the championship), the Dog will not fill out a bracket (that’s saying a lot for a borderline compulsive gambler) and the only effect this will have on The Dog is the two week impact the tournament has on CBS television. The Dog now has to watch Survivor on Wednesday nights for two weeks instead of Thursday, motherfucker. The one good thing about the NCAA Basketball Tournament is that it is a better playoff system than the BCS. Other than that, BIG DEAL.
Chain Reaction
Every action has an equal and opposite reaction. It seems like every move in NFL free agency has a reaction by something happening with a starting running back. The Jets did a big something in acquiring running back Thomas Jones from the Bears, who in reaction have done a big nothing. The Colts did a big something in winning the Superbowl, the reaction is running back Dominic Rhodes signing a big deal to play in Oakland next season. Jamal Lewis signed a big deal in Cleveland; the reaction was the Ravens trading 3 picks to Buffalo for RB Willis McGahee and the Browns trading running back Ruben Droughns to the New York Giants. The Bills are still reacting to that trade with visits from Corey Dillon, Chris Brown and other free agent running backs (there are also rumors that the Bills may try to trade up the draft board to number 2 in order to draft Oklahoma running back Adrian Petersen). Deputy Dog cannot keep up. The pace of trades and free agent signing triggering more trades has been frantic. Every mock draft in creation is now useless with all the changes and every virtual GM in fantasy football land has their head spinning. What is the next move on the carousel of chaos? My money is on the signing of Corey Dillon to either the Bills or Packers which will in turn trigger the trade of Randy Moss out of Oakland. Thank god Deputy Dog has a solid no-trade clause in his contract; I could have wound-up playing tight-end for the 49ers next year.
Video Gamers Beware
25 completions on 33 attempts for 373 yards and 10 touchdowns. No, that is not a stat line from Madden Football 2007 (now available on PSP); it is, however, the line of former Tampa Bay Buccaneers QB Shaun King, now playing for the Las Vegas Gladiators of the Arena Football League. Deputy Dog attended his first live Arena game last year and saw an overtime classic between the Philadelphia Soul and eventual Arena Bowl Champion Chicago Rush. Any league where every team in the league averages 40+ points per game is a good thing. Offense is entertainment, though you would never know that this is the 21st season of Arena Football action. Another nice part of this is that NFL washouts like Shaun King, Clint Dozel and Kevin Swayne have a place to play. The game is fast and exciting, which makes it interesting. Dozel set an Arena League record last season with 105 TD passes….those are backyards numbers. Any kid that ever told one of his friends, “Hey, go down to the Buick and cut in, I’ll hit you,” has to love the AFL. The fraternity of AFL stars is growing via ownership, including former NFL stars John Elway and Ron Jaworski, as well as rock-star Jon Bon Jovi, all of whom are part owners of AFL franchises. If the thought of seeing flag football on HGH excites you, Deputy Dog recommends that you check out the AFL on Monday nights on ESPN.
The DogHouse
Who’s In: Chris Simon, winger – New York Islanders. His absolute assault on New York Rangers’ Ryan Hollweg was nothing short of reprehensible. Simon two handed throat chop with his stick made Todd Bertuzzi smile someplace. If Gary Bettman drops the ball on handling this situation, look for his ass to be in The DogHouse next week.
Who’s Out: Tom Brady, quarterback – New England Patriots. It has been alleged this week that Brady’s passes are not the only thing that is deadly accurate. After it was revealed that Brady was expecting his first child with former girlfriend and hottie actress Bridget Moynahan, a Brazilian website is now reporting that Brady is also expecting a child with current (rebound) girlfriend supermodel Giselle Bundchen. Way to go Captain Clutch.
Let the Madness Begin
Deputy Dog dislikes college basketball. The only sport Deputy Dog dislikes more is soccer (not only because any game where you can’t use your hands is stupid, but also due to a nasty concussion he suffered several years back now). Millions of fans disagree with Deputy Dog on this one and this is their time of year to shine. With most of the minor conference tournaments done and the majors underway, March Madness is starting to turn up the heat. Selection Sunday is on the horizon and brackets everywhere are salivating. Perennial powers are not so powerful, with UCONN in all likelihood out and Duke on the bubble; mid-major at-large teams are in a fever. About half the dance cards have been punched and the second most wagered on sporting event of the year is coming in force. Deputy Dog could care less. The Dog will not watch a single game (including the championship), the Dog will not fill out a bracket (that’s saying a lot for a borderline compulsive gambler) and the only effect this will have on The Dog is the two week impact the tournament has on CBS television. The Dog now has to watch Survivor on Wednesday nights for two weeks instead of Thursday, motherfucker. The one good thing about the NCAA Basketball Tournament is that it is a better playoff system than the BCS. Other than that, BIG DEAL.
Chain Reaction
Every action has an equal and opposite reaction. It seems like every move in NFL free agency has a reaction by something happening with a starting running back. The Jets did a big something in acquiring running back Thomas Jones from the Bears, who in reaction have done a big nothing. The Colts did a big something in winning the Superbowl, the reaction is running back Dominic Rhodes signing a big deal to play in Oakland next season. Jamal Lewis signed a big deal in Cleveland; the reaction was the Ravens trading 3 picks to Buffalo for RB Willis McGahee and the Browns trading running back Ruben Droughns to the New York Giants. The Bills are still reacting to that trade with visits from Corey Dillon, Chris Brown and other free agent running backs (there are also rumors that the Bills may try to trade up the draft board to number 2 in order to draft Oklahoma running back Adrian Petersen). Deputy Dog cannot keep up. The pace of trades and free agent signing triggering more trades has been frantic. Every mock draft in creation is now useless with all the changes and every virtual GM in fantasy football land has their head spinning. What is the next move on the carousel of chaos? My money is on the signing of Corey Dillon to either the Bills or Packers which will in turn trigger the trade of Randy Moss out of Oakland. Thank god Deputy Dog has a solid no-trade clause in his contract; I could have wound-up playing tight-end for the 49ers next year.
Video Gamers Beware
25 completions on 33 attempts for 373 yards and 10 touchdowns. No, that is not a stat line from Madden Football 2007 (now available on PSP); it is, however, the line of former Tampa Bay Buccaneers QB Shaun King, now playing for the Las Vegas Gladiators of the Arena Football League. Deputy Dog attended his first live Arena game last year and saw an overtime classic between the Philadelphia Soul and eventual Arena Bowl Champion Chicago Rush. Any league where every team in the league averages 40+ points per game is a good thing. Offense is entertainment, though you would never know that this is the 21st season of Arena Football action. Another nice part of this is that NFL washouts like Shaun King, Clint Dozel and Kevin Swayne have a place to play. The game is fast and exciting, which makes it interesting. Dozel set an Arena League record last season with 105 TD passes….those are backyards numbers. Any kid that ever told one of his friends, “Hey, go down to the Buick and cut in, I’ll hit you,” has to love the AFL. The fraternity of AFL stars is growing via ownership, including former NFL stars John Elway and Ron Jaworski, as well as rock-star Jon Bon Jovi, all of whom are part owners of AFL franchises. If the thought of seeing flag football on HGH excites you, Deputy Dog recommends that you check out the AFL on Monday nights on ESPN.
3/12/07
I don't usually like to kick a man when he's down, but...
No matter how hard he tries, Andy Phillips cannot get fired...Andy Phillips is an awful baseball player. I know that he was on a leave of absence, but I just read the live box score of the Yankees/ Red Sox game and Josh Phelps just knocked in two more runs. Unfortuneately, this is all for nothing as Joe Torre will not be awarding him a roster spot. Oh no, that spot is reserved for a player who has proven that he can not hit major league pitching, and has not been in spring training this year to prove otherwise. Is this making sense to anyone? I know that the Grapefruit League means absolutely nothing, but Josh Phelps is destroying the ball. He hits everything hard, is adequate in the field, and doesn't seem to be any kind problem in the clubhouse. Can someone PLEASE tell me WHY he will be packing his bags and going back to playing AAA for the Orioles again? Life is unfair. Andy Phillips and Miguel Cairo get to wear pinstripes all year and Josh Phelps goes back to banging groupies in the bus leagues....God I hate my cubicle.
3/10/07
Bold (and some not so bold) Predictions for the 2007 Major League Season
The Yankees will win the AL East
I also think that they will go much, MUCH farther, but the dreaded www.fowlballs.blogspot.com curse is well documented. Since we predicted the victory of Balbao over Creed in the original Rocky, it has been downhill.
Curt Schilling will eat Daisuke Matsuzaka
..but a half an hour later he will be hungry again.
Alex Rodriguez will hit 50 Home Runs
This will make him the first right handed hitter in the history of the Yankees to do so. More importantly, he will dominate in the postseason. Unfortuneately, he will be criticized by the New York media for batting only .525 in the playoffs.
The Pirates will suck
Sorry to burst your bubble in March, Buc fans.
Miguel Cairo wil be traded for $50 and a new fungo bat
...and the Yankees will be applauded for finding value in that waste of blood.
Trevor Hoffman's leg kick will irritate me for another season
I know hes great, I know. But the idea of a closer that has a kick that looks like that and still doesn't throw that hard drives me crazy. Closers are SUPPOSED to throw hard, and their primary out pitch should not be a change up. I'm sorry, maybe its just me.
Roger Clemens will pitch in 2007
...if there is a god
Orlando Hernandez will be diagnosed with Alzheimer's Disease
Let me ask a question: Does he really think that there is a single person that believes him when he says how old he claims to be? Here's a bit of a tip-off; 38 year old men do not miss a week of spring training because they have arthritis in their neck. That sounds like something that keeps Morty from playing shuffle board at Shady Acres in Boca.
The Mets will lead the National League in runs scored
...they will also finish at .500. Good luck going back to the playoffs with Glavine and Duque as your horses. That sounds great, if it were 1999.
Bud Selig will be in attendance when Barry Bonds is about to break Han Aaron's all time home run record
Before Bonds' first at bat, Selig will activate a sensor planted in Reggie Jackson that has programmed him to kill Bonds.
I also think that they will go much, MUCH farther, but the dreaded www.fowlballs.blogspot.com curse is well documented. Since we predicted the victory of Balbao over Creed in the original Rocky, it has been downhill.
Curt Schilling will eat Daisuke Matsuzaka
..but a half an hour later he will be hungry again.
Alex Rodriguez will hit 50 Home Runs
This will make him the first right handed hitter in the history of the Yankees to do so. More importantly, he will dominate in the postseason. Unfortuneately, he will be criticized by the New York media for batting only .525 in the playoffs.
The Pirates will suck
Sorry to burst your bubble in March, Buc fans.
Miguel Cairo wil be traded for $50 and a new fungo bat
...and the Yankees will be applauded for finding value in that waste of blood.
Trevor Hoffman's leg kick will irritate me for another season
I know hes great, I know. But the idea of a closer that has a kick that looks like that and still doesn't throw that hard drives me crazy. Closers are SUPPOSED to throw hard, and their primary out pitch should not be a change up. I'm sorry, maybe its just me.
Roger Clemens will pitch in 2007
...if there is a god
Orlando Hernandez will be diagnosed with Alzheimer's Disease
Let me ask a question: Does he really think that there is a single person that believes him when he says how old he claims to be? Here's a bit of a tip-off; 38 year old men do not miss a week of spring training because they have arthritis in their neck. That sounds like something that keeps Morty from playing shuffle board at Shady Acres in Boca.
The Mets will lead the National League in runs scored
...they will also finish at .500. Good luck going back to the playoffs with Glavine and Duque as your horses. That sounds great, if it were 1999.
Bud Selig will be in attendance when Barry Bonds is about to break Han Aaron's all time home run record
Before Bonds' first at bat, Selig will activate a sensor planted in Reggie Jackson that has programmed him to kill Bonds.
3/7/07
An NFL Column That is WAY Less Annoying than Anything Written by Peter King
“Gimmie a pen, I’m signing. You’re signing. We’re all signing.” That’s a line from one of Deputy Dog’s favorite movies and it is also the apparent motto of the 2007 NFL Free Agent class.
Free agency opened at 12:01am on Friday and it has been fast and furious action ever since. The signings have average 3 to 4 per hour and the money has gotten stupid. Since when is an offensive lineman, not named Ogden or Boselli or Munoz, worth $7 million per year? Are you serious? Teams have shed “dead” weight to make room for their new prizes. Notable cuts include QB Drew Bledsoe, LB Joey Porter and WR Joe Horn.
Free agency opened at 12:01am on Friday and it has been fast and furious action ever since. The signings have average 3 to 4 per hour and the money has gotten stupid. Since when is an offensive lineman, not named Ogden or Boselli or Munoz, worth $7 million per year? Are you serious? Teams have shed “dead” weight to make room for their new prizes. Notable cuts include QB Drew Bledsoe, LB Joey Porter and WR Joe Horn.
Patriot Games
The usually patient and savvy New England Patriots have led the way in the free agent market signing LB Adelius Thomas away from the Baltimore Ravens and trading for WR Wes Welker from the Miami Dolphins. The usually draft conscious Pats have tried to fill holes through the free agent market prior to reaching draft weekend. Pats VP of Personnel Scott Pioli is a mad scientist, so we have to trust his judgment, but the latest rumor out of Foxboro has the Pats entertaining a possible trade for known locker room cancer Randy Moss. If Terrell Owens was such a pain in the ass that he caused Bill Parcells to retire, what effect will Randy Moss have on Bill Belichick?
Bear Market
Big losers in the free agent market, the Chicago Bears have now traded RB Thomas Jones to the New York Jets along with their 2nd round pick in this year’s draft, in exchange for the Jets round 2 pick, moving the Bears up the board 37 places. I have seen the draft value chart the organizations use and I say it sucks. Jones is only the 3rd RB in NFL history to have back-to-back 1200 plus yard seasons and then change teams. This is a great move by GANG GREEN and has the leave the Bears fans wondering, what the fuck is going on in Chi-town? The were reluctant to pay the coach who led them to the Super Bowl this year, they lost their defensive coordinator over cash, they have done nothing to address the issue at QB and now their dominant outside LB, who they slapped with the franchise tag, wants out of town. The Monsters of the Midway are working their way towards being the Buffoons of the Business.
Other Winners and Losers
Tampa Bay has collected a pair of quarterbacks (Jeff Garcia and the “retired” Jake Plummer) to go with the 2 they already had, which makes me wonder – does John Gruden have a charm bracelet for his QB’s? The 49ers paid Nate Clements $80 millions for 8 years, why? Joey Porter relocated to Miami as the Dolphins ponied up a guaranteed $20 million deal. Do you think he negotiated the same way Bernie Mac did in Ocean’s Eleven?
Arte, You Stink on Ice
Artie Moreno looks like Mr. Gazzo from Rocky. And he is a moron.
It may be a few days overdue, but I would like to comment on the recent speculation that Gary Matthews may have taken a performance enhancing drug. Let me be the first to say publicly, no shit.
Judging by my personal memory and backed up by the statistics provided by www.baseball-reference.com, prior to last year Gary Matthews was not a good baseball player, plain and simple. Last year, at the tender age of 31, Matthews set career highs in EVERY major offensive category. In a walk year, no less. This is a guy that had been bounced around like a drunken sorority girl, playing for nine teams in the seven years prior to 2006. Then he is stupid enough to bat .310 and hit 19 homers and, oh, how convenient, he was going into free agency. Way not to make it obvious.
As horrible as it may sound, you have to sympathize with the guy. A career borderline bum, Matthews had one year to show that he could be a quality major leaguer, and con some moron into paying him like a superstar. Enter Arte Moreno. Great job pal. This is what happens when an owner has too much money, and absolutely NO clue how to spend it. Instead of giving a one year, incentive laden contract to Darin Erstad and possibly signing a guy like Steve Finley to a minor league deal as a stop gap before two of the leagues greatest centerfielders become free agents after the 2007 season (Andruw Jones and Torii Hunter), Big A gave $50 million to Brady Anderson, version 2.0. Now it will cost him even more money in legal fees to void this abortion of a contract. Maybe he can plead Permanent Stupidity.
After reading this, please check this link.
http://www.baseball-reference.com/m/matthga02.shtml
God knows Arte Moreno wasn't aware that this was public information
After reading this, please check this link.
http://www.baseball-reference.com/m/matthga02.shtml
God knows Arte Moreno wasn't aware that this was public information
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