Red Sox Acquire Boof

A meaningless move, sure, but who passes up the opportunity to post a picture of Scott Howard's girlfriend?

Theo Epstein is a genius!!!!11!!!!!1!!!!

While the Yankees went out this offseason and "wasted" millions on healthy, proven players, the Red Sox showed how financially savvy and shrewd they are by signing high-ceiling value plays that would surely make the Yankees look foolish. But a funny thing happened on the way home from the infirmary...

John Smoltz - 1-4, 7.04 ERA
Brad Penny - 7-4, 4.71 ERA
Rocco Baldelli - .263/.333/.432 in just 95 at bats

Congratulations to the Red Sox on their newest acquisition (pictured below)

Aaaaaawwwwwwww!!!!

I posted this picture because a cute puppy is a lot nicer to think about than the fact that the Red Sox are now 5-0 against the Yankees, the bullpen is a mess and Jorge Posada is out for a month. Enjoy.

Hey, douche...

Heads up!

I love Kevin Cash

I am of the opinion that Kevin Cash should be given a spot on the Yankees 2009 roster. Disregarding the fact that he is (arguably) the worst hitter that gets paid to play baseball for a living, he is funny. I like him.

Cash caught against Team USA yesterday. He was a member of the Red Sox organization last year, and when he was asked about Dustin Pedroia prior to the game, he had this to offer:

"I didn't know Team USA carried its own batboy," Cash said of the second
baseman...

Phenomenal. Even though he sucks camel scrotum, Kevin Cash knows how to have a good time.

That's the smartest thing I have ever heard anyone say about anything

After John Henry got off of his soapbox and wiped the tears from his eyes, it was only a matter of time before Hank Steinbrenner opened his swimming pool sized mouth. This time, though, Hanky had some worthwhile things to say, rather than just speaking to hear himself talk.

"Along with a few other teams, we're basically baseball's stimulus package," Steinbrenner told The Associated Press.

This is what we at The Fowl Balls have been preaching from day one. The New York Yankees serve as a financial safety net for much of baseball, and their clout is actually helping to stimulate the game. Major League Baseball merchandise sales are split evenly amongst the league's teams, so let me ask you this; when was the last time you saw someone, ANYONE, wearing a Kansas City Royals hat? Not to mention the socialist spreading of wealth disguised as "revenue sharing".

The Yankees are what keeps these teams afloat in many cases, and yet they STILL refuse to spend money on players. This is not a Red Sox-Yankees argument because John Henry is simply an imbecile. He HAS the money, yet he would rather sit back and sign 17 injury cases this winter instead of giving his team what it needs, and his fan base what it wants. This argument is about the small market teams that hoard the money bestowed upon them by the Yankees instead of improving their standing. And, for once, Hank is right.

Maybe you should sell more pink hats

In a move that can't be considered anything more that sour grapes, Red Sox owner John Henry is once again calling for a salary cap. Oddly enough, the last time he made such public statements was when the Yankees acquired Alex Rodriguez five years ago.

After allowing the Yankees to acquire Mark Teixeira over a paltry $12 million over eight years, Henry is once again crying poverty. I find it hard to believe that other teams take this seriously. If I was the owner of the Pirates, I would bitch slap this walking corpse at the next owners meeting.

The Yankees are evil and terrible and rich and powerful, yet the Red Sox bought players like Pedro Martinez, Curt Schilling, Johnny Damon, Manny Ramirez, and Keith Foulke to form the cornerstone to a championship team. I am sick and tired of Red Sox players, fans, and now ownership screaming from the hill tops that they are at a disadvantage. While other teams are treading water (or even worse), the Red Sox continue to be a money making machine that does not impart that wealth back to its players, and, therefore, to its fans.

Congratulations!

Red Sox MVP second baseman Dustin Pedroia will grace the cover of MLB '09 The Show, due to straining economic times. Apparently Sony was able to save some money by selecting a player that is able to appear at actual size on the game cover, recquiring no re-scaling.

And This is Why We Hate You All

Boston fans, your team failed you. The money making maching that is the Boston Red Sox lost out on a premium free agend by roughly $120 million dollars, so you would figure that their fans would be LIVID at management right? Wrong. Their so-called sportswriters and cry-baby blogs would rather blame the Yankees for their problems once again. First, Tony Masseroti writes an article demonizing the Yankees and even further demonizing Teixeira himself. At the end of the day, Mark Teixeira is a Scott Boras client. This had to do with little other money. The Yankees signed Sabathia and Burnett. Great. $12 million would have made Mark Teixeira sing the praises of the Red Sox in the streets.
Source: http://www.boston.com/sports/columnists/massarotti/2009/01/curious_case_of_teixeira_far_f.html

This brings us to our favorite sour grapes display, provided to you courtesy of Boston Dirt Dogs. These drunken Irish frat boys actually liken the Yankees signing of a 29 year old, durable, stud first baseman to the signing of Carl Pavano. CARL PAVANO. It must be hard to avoid typos while you are dropping tears and snot all over your keyboard.
Source: http://bostondirtdogs.boston.com/2009/01/welcome_to_yankee_stadium.html

With the Patriots missing the playoffs, and now this, I was not sure that I could be happier. The topper will be when their championship caliber Celtics sign proverbial cancer Stephon Marbury to blow up their team. F*ck you all.