Breaking: Yankees to acquire redneck compliment to Pettitte

It looks like the Yankees have acquired Lance Berkman. The Evil Empire strikes again. 

Breaking: Peter Gammons Mumbles that Yankees May Acquire Adam Dunn

via mlbtraderumors.com

The Rays are convinced that the Yankees will acquire Dunn, Peter Gammons told WEEI.com. Gammons suspects that if the Nationals trade Dunn, the Yankees will acquire him. The Rays haven't given up hope, since they have had a special assignment scout watching Dunn all week, according to Ed Price of AOL FanHouse 

Get me that Donkey!

Breaking: The Blue Jays have lost their fucking minds

According to the NY Post, the Toronto Blue Jays asked the Yankees for Jesus Montero, then Joba Chamberlain for Scott Downs. You read that right. Apparently the exchange rate is completely fucked, because in Canada a 34 year old middle reliever is equivalent to a blue chip US prospect. Fuck you Toronto. The only thing that Canada is good for is their beer anyway. That's not bacon, jerks. It's HAM.

"Pay Joba no botha"

I've been writing about Joba Chamberlain over at BomberBanter.com, and I see I'm not the only one. If you wander around the Yankees Blog Universe, you'll see posts about him everywhere. I understand that Joel Sherman is reporting that Joba isn't the setup man anymore... did anybody hear Joe Girardi say this? I don't have a problem with the move, I just don't think it's official. I think Girardi just doesn't want to bring Joba into the game in the middle of an inning. David Robertson has been Girardi's fireman - always getting the call in the middle of an inning in a high pressure situation in tight games; I think right now, Joba starts innings, and isn't brought in to finish them. However, if he's been demoted, Joba deserves it. His 2010 numbers are atrocious. he gives up too many hits and walks, not to mention the runs. I think Joba can be a great pitcher, but I've always believed he's a starter - this doesn't have anything to do with why he's performing poorly this year (I think it's mechanical), but I don't think he's a career reliever, and the sooner they get him out of that role, the better.

As for tonight's game, the Yankees are facing a pitcher who's been called up from triple A for his first start - ever, I believe - so that means the Yankees have no chance of scoring any runs off him. Now if they get to face him again this year, they'll destroy him, but I think this is the last series with the Indians of the year. Anyway, it almost always seems to go this way in this situation. New pitcher, no hits - seen the pitcher before, and they hit him like he deserves to be hit. Go figure.

Happy Birthday, Gorgeous

Happy 35th to Alex Rodriguez and his purple lips. Now go hit #600 already.

A Message From Your Fearless Leader

Dearest Friends of The Balls,

As the trade deadline nears, you will hear the Yankees involved in basically every name available, and some that aren't. Pay no mind. We have come to find that Brian Cashman is water tight like a duck's ass, and the big moves that he DOES make are almost never leaked. Remember the Sammy Sosa shitstorm? All you heard about for WEEKS was Sammy Sammy Sammy and then BOOM! Cash hits you with David Justice. I love MLBTradeRumors.com as much as the next guy, but in the world of the Yankees, it means dick.    That being said, leave all of your futile speculation in the comments.

--
Jimmy Dugan
President, CEO, and Dictator
The Fowl Balls
http://www.thefowlballs.com

Oh, Come Let Us Adore Him

Jesus Montero's July slash line:

420/.532/.740

If I was threatened with playing for the Mariners, I'd start hitting, too.

1930-2010

Thank you, George Steinbrenner, for spoiling Yankee fans since 1973.

Thank You, Bob.

The voice of our childhood dreams moved on this weekend. Even knowing that he was 99 years old, I know that every fan was still holding out hope that we would hear that booming voice in the New Stadium. Alas, there were other plans. Rest in peace, Voice of God.