Mariano's Mournful Month

My name is Jamie, and I'm a Yankees fan. I bleed pinstripes, which is even more impressive than it sounds. This means that I worship no Gods before Mariano Rivera. After all, Mo saves.

Or at least he usually does.

Just about every single season, Mo has a stretch of games we'd all rather forget ever happened. In fact, he had one yesterday. He had one last Monday, too - the last time he pitched. And he had one the day before that.

The sky isn't falling. Mo didn't forget how to pitch and his expected velocity is there, so I don't think there is an injury concern. He's just not locating right now. He'll get his control back; he always does. But that doesn't make this game log any easier to look at. The month of September has been a disaster for Mo: 6 earned runs in 10.2 innings pitched. That's a 5.06 ERA, which is not only astounding, but its all the more painful because of the pace he'd been on. Through July, his ERA was under 1. After August, it was barely over 1. Even now, it's .15 under 2, so it's still been a great year for Mo.

Mo will get his game back. He always does - the only question is, will he get it back in time? I say yes; nobody shines brighter in the spot light of October playoff baseball than Mo. Joe Girardi will make sure he gets enough work to tune up, and when the leaves call and a championship beckons, Mo will answer.


Breaking: Yankees to acquire redneck compliment to Pettitte

It looks like the Yankees have acquired Lance Berkman. The Evil Empire strikes again. 

Breaking: Peter Gammons Mumbles that Yankees May Acquire Adam Dunn

The Rays are convinced that the Yankees will acquire Dunn, Peter Gammons told WEEI.com. Gammons suspects that if the Nationals trade Dunn, the Yankees will acquire him. The Rays haven't given up hope, since they have had a special assignment scout watching Dunn all week, according to Ed Price of AOL FanHouse 

Get me that Donkey!


Breaking: The Blue Jays have lost their fucking minds

According to the NY Post, the Toronto Blue Jays asked the Yankees for Jesus Montero, then Joba Chamberlain for Scott Downs. You read that right. Apparently the exchange rate is completely fucked, because in Canada a 34 year old middle reliever is equivalent to a blue chip US prospect. Fuck you Toronto. The only thing that Canada is good for is their beer anyway. That's not bacon, jerks. It's HAM.


"Pay Joba no botha"

I've been writing about Joba Chamberlain over at BomberBanter.com, and I see I'm not the only one. If you wander around the Yankees Blog Universe, you'll see posts about him everywhere. I understand that Joel Sherman is reporting that Joba isn't the setup man anymore... did anybody hear Joe Girardi say this? I don't have a problem with the move, I just don't think it's official. I think Girardi just doesn't want to bring Joba into the game in the middle of an inning. David Robertson has been Girardi's fireman - always getting the call in the middle of an inning in a high pressure situation in tight games; I think right now, Joba starts innings, and isn't brought in to finish them. However, if he's been demoted, Joba deserves it. His 2010 numbers are atrocious. he gives up too many hits and walks, not to mention the runs. I think Joba can be a great pitcher, but I've always believed he's a starter - this doesn't have anything to do with why he's performing poorly this year (I think it's mechanical), but I don't think he's a career reliever, and the sooner they get him out of that role, the better.

As for tonight's game, the Yankees are facing a pitcher who's been called up from triple A for his first start - ever, I believe - so that means the Yankees have no chance of scoring any runs off him. Now if they get to face him again this year, they'll destroy him, but I think this is the last series with the Indians of the year. Anyway, it almost always seems to go this way in this situation. New pitcher, no hits - seen the pitcher before, and they hit him like he deserves to be hit. Go figure.

Happy Birthday, Gorgeous

Happy 35th to Alex Rodriguez and his purple lips. Now go hit #600 already.

A Message From Your Fearless Leader

Dearest Friends of The Balls,

As the trade deadline nears, you will hear the Yankees involved in basically every name available, and some that aren't. Pay no mind. We have come to find that Brian Cashman is water tight like a duck's ass, and the big moves that he DOES make are almost never leaked. Remember the Sammy Sosa shitstorm? All you heard about for WEEKS was Sammy Sammy Sammy and then BOOM! Cash hits you with David Justice. I love MLBTradeRumors.com as much as the next guy, but in the world of the Yankees, it means dick.    That being said, leave all of your futile speculation in the comments.

Jimmy Dugan
President, CEO, and Dictator
The Fowl Balls


Oh, Come Let Us Adore Him

Jesus Montero's July slash line:
If I was threatened with playing for the Mariners, I'd start hitting, too.



Thank you, George Steinbrenner, for spoiling Yankee fans since 1973.


Thank You, Bob.

The voice of our childhood dreams moved on this weekend. Even knowing that he was 99 years old, I know that every fan was still holding out hope that we would hear that booming voice in the New Stadium. Alas, there were other plans. Rest in peace, Voice of God.


Got World Cup Fever?

Well, take two of these... Sigh. Is anybody actually still watching this?
Stay classy, Paraguay Fans... although, I guess you have to put your phone somewhere that leaves your hands free for cheering. And what's with her boy? Why is he sporting the Lincoln beard? Stay out of the theater, champ. (NOTE: 'her boy' seems to be getting cropped out of the frame, so click the image to see him in all his Para-Lincoln-esque glory)
I like the Yankees remaining schedule for the first half: 3 against Seattle and 3 against Toronto at home, then they drag their asses back to the west coast for 3 against Oakland and 4 against Seattle - I'd guess that means they're probably going to see Cliff Lee and King Felix, but still - Seattle is 31-44, so I don't worry too much about that. I think Toronto will be pesky all year, but they're essentialy a .500 team.


The hits just keep on coming

I know that I don't usually post videos, but between this and the Wally Backman meltdown, it's been pure gold this week. The best part about this video is A-Rod looks so young, and Jeter and his flat top look like this could have been taped yesterday.


Yankees complete sweep of Phillies in game 1

In the game that they were supposed to lose, the Yankees gave Roy Halladay a good rogering Tuesday night. The man who has been borderline untouchable in the NL Least was welcomed back to the AL by three home runs wth Curtis Granderson, Nick Swisher, and Mark Teixeira* taking him over the wall.The Phillies may as well forfeit the next two games, because Halladay was the only shot that they had, let's be honest.

*That was not a typo - Mark Teixeira hit a home run off of a quality pitcher.


I know, I know

I am late on this one, but since it is the greatest thing in the history of the world, I am posting it anyway.

For once, my optimism is tempered

Not only have the Yankees pulled into a tie for first place with the Ex-Rays, but ESPN has them toppling them in the Power Rankings, and Lord knows how important that is. But don't all run to your online betting sites and bet your mortgage on the Yankees just yet.

Before we all start tickling each other's taints, let's be realistic about one thing: the most irreplaceable Yankees (non-Rivera category) has not played since Thursday. When Alex Rodriguez left Thursday's game, I almost threw up. Say what you will about his perceived lack of power this year, but there is not a single everyday player on the Yankees that is more valuable than Alex Rodriguez.

After clawing back to pull even with Tampa, the Yankees are in need of the going-into-the-All-Star-break push that allows them to ride their typically-strong second half to October (hyphen much?). With Ramiro "Powerhouse" Pena at the bottom of the lineup, that just doesn't seem realistic.

Not all doom and gloom, though. Alex Rodriguez could return to the lineup, and the Yankees could take a struggling Phillies team behind the woodshed in a three game set. But keep an eye on A-Rod, because the Yankees' fate in 2010 may be more attached to his groin than Cameron Diaz ( I am so topical! Fuck Perez Hilton!).


National Holiday (seewhatIdidthere?)

If you have been reading TFB for any amount of time, you realize one thing: I really could not give a shit about the other teams in the Major Leagues. Sure, I'll make fun of the Mets, and my hate for the Red Sox is evident, but you aren't going to see a ton of material pertaining to anyone outside of the Bronx. I will say this, though - I am excited to watch Stephen Strasburg debut tonight. For once, the Nationals look to be doing something right. They seem to have avoided making him a Super Two, and they are trotting him out in front of a home crowd against a AAA team to kick it all off. I usually rip people for hyping things too quickly, but I am way gay for the whole Strasburg thing. On top of the whole thing, I get to see Jim Kaat announce on MLBN tonight. It looks like I may have to go buy a Nationals hat while they are still on sale.

Final Line for Strasburg:
6 IP, 7K, 2 ER, 2 BB


Jimmy D: Always helping out the little guys

I got an email this morning from the SWB Yankees, because they know who has their finger on the pulse of the Yankees farm system. Do them a favor and click the link to vote for Yankees prospects (and a couple of AAAA players, considering these All Star Games are what they will be telling their grandkids about).

Online voting has begun for the 2010 Triple-A All-Star Game to be played July 14 at Lehigh Valley, PA. Fans can vote for their favorite Scranton/Wilkes-Barre Yankees at www.swbyankees.com or http://web.minorleaguebaseball.com/milb/events/asg/y2010/ballot/ballot_pop.html

Fan voting accounts for one-third of the total vote along with ballots cast by members of the media and each club’s field manager, coaches, and general manager.

Fans can vote up to 25 times until voting ends on June 25. So vote early and often for deserving candidate including Jonathan Albaladejo (17 saves), Eduardo Nunez, Zach McAllister, Royce Ring and David Winfree.


Yankees Seats Between the Bases

Did you get this email today from the Yankees? Follow the link and you end up here. Tell me this is not hilarious:

2010 Seats Between Bases start at $235 per seat per game.

That's classic stuff, right there! And that is a significant reduction from last year, is it not? Wish I could get a list of stuff you could get for $235 bucks. I was perfectly happy to watch the Yankees blow their lead on Saturday from my once a year $100 seats, thank you very much! My girlfriend and I were talking about going to another game, but sitting in cheaper seats rather than upping the price.

On my most recent visit to Yankee Stadium:

We bought 2 blue moons at the game - the cost was over $20. For two beers. I felt bad that I didn't have any tip money... but when you pay over $20 for two beers, do you really need to tip? I'd love to hear some thoughts on this topic. It didn't appear that people were tipping.

On the other hand, we ate at the Noodle Bowl over by the food court, and the price was totally reasonable; maybe $7 something each for our noodles with fried tofu, and the portion was ample to say the least, and it was tasty.

Oh, and the $100 seats had padding - we took a quick look around the stadium and noted that all the box seats on the first floor seemed to have padding, but the second and third tiers were not so blessed.

Thanks, Miggy

Miguel Tejada reacts after he realizes that he hadn't injected enough "B-12" to get the ball across the diamond on Tuesday night. The error would hand the Yankees a win, as Javy Vazquez threw another good game against yet another shitty team.


SI's Joe Lemire makes my list

When I corresponded with Jimmy D about posting here at The Fowl Balls, I never intended to have my posts revolve around the national sports media and how bad they suck. So far, it's just working out that way.
Joe Lemire's SI.com article, Who will throw the next perfect game? I must take issue with. As a rule, I recommend baseball fans not waste their time prognosticating who has the potential to throw a perfect game during their career because the idea is totally idiotic. This was Lemire's Memorial Day offering, so I'd love to know what ragging bash he went to the previous weekend that inspired such nonsense, what kind of alcohol was served, and finally, where I can acquire said alcohol that will make me so delusional that I'll come up with a list of potential perfect game candidates.
Here is a list of criteria he came up with, which I can't argue with, but again, that's not the point.

first-pitch strikes, swing-and-miss stuff, multi-pitch repertoire and good team defense

OK, fine. That sounds good. But honestly, did anyone ever think Mark Buehrle was going to throw a perfect game? If someone made this list before Buehrle had done it, I guarantee you he would not be there. Here is the list of all MLB perfect games. Did any member of the press ever have the cohonas to predict someone would throw a perfect game before they did it? Now I realize Lemire isn't offering any predictions, but this is still a bold declaration.
And now, here is what drove me over the edge, the very inspiration for this post:

Stephen Strasburg, Nationals: No, he hasn't thrown in any major-league games yet, much less come close to completing a perfect one, but what limits would you place on him? This is an exercise in potential and few, if any, have the upside of Strasburg, whose minor-league record is sparkling (6-2, 1.43 ERA, 0.80 WHIP, 10.7 K/9) and who'd need only one dazzling start to make it happen.

He went there. I know Strasburg looks like he's going to set the National League on fire, but let's let the kid pitch first, huh? Maybe we could find a way to put more pressure and attention on the kid... let's just paint a bulls-eye on his back and get it over with.
I love that closing line: "need only one dazzling start to make it happen." That's all ANYONE would need to throw a perfect game, damn it! Oh, and just for giggles, Tim Lincecum hasn't completed 6 IP in his last 3 starts - he's #3 on the list. I'm sure Lincecum will recover, as he has good stuff, but the point I'm trying to say is anyone can struggle - and anyone can be great.
Or perfect.


The Disparity between Yankees Blogs and the Media

(**Editor's note - this is the first post from the newest TFB contributor, Jamie From BomberBanter.com. Drop some comments, or shoot him an email at jamie.thefowlballs@gmail.com)

Since the Yankees offensive struggles began a few weeks ago, a cruise through the Yankees blog scene has most people calling for Derek Jeter to move out of the lead off spot in the line up as his pension to ground out to short stop feels like its at a career high. Then, you wander over to SI.com's MLB homepage and BOOM! Joe Posnanski is comparing Jeter to Pete Rose. Now it should be noted that Posnanski doesn't think Jeter will get his hit total up in Rose territory (and I tend to agree), but the fact that he wrote the article in the first place is what caught my attention. Ian O'Conner, on the other hand, thinks Jeter can catch Rose.

As the nonsense that is ESPN and our local paper's coverage of the Yankees weighed on me all off season long, SI.com became a daily destination for me, but as this season has rolled on, I find myself visiting less and less. The simple fact is, Yankees Blog coverage is just better than Media coverage. I know that I'm tooting my own horn on some level (try to keep the comments on that PG, folks), but its true. Flip through the Yankees blogs and you'll find
amazing statistical analysis at River Ave Blues, incite on other parks and cities from Yankeeist or just silliness from An A-Blog for A-Rod.

What's going on at ESPN, you ask? More Joe West comments on length of games. Yep, they're still beating that horse. And speaking of desecrating graves, The NY Post has got yet another McNamee/Clemens article - I think I counted 5 entire sentences. Just awesome. Now that's good reporting on a topic nobody cares about anymore.

I could go on, but it'd be an exercise in futility. The Yankees Blogs are doing better because they're not beholden to a business model that dictates they create as many pages/posts as possible in an effort to serve as many banner advertisements as possible. Yankees Blogs don't post a bunch of crap and their not motivated by financial gain; we blog the Yankees because we love 'em. Even when the Bombers play like ass, they're still there for us, just about every day, from late February to (hopefully) early November and beyond. Covering baseball is a writer's dream - they play every day and there are a million stories to write that are interesting and relevant. Yankees Blogs give you an analysis, statistical information and facts, passion for their team and a laugh. The media is just filler.


Help Wanted

The Fowl Balls is looking for writers. We have some extra cubicles to fill here at TFB world headquarters, and we need some like-minded, borderline-douchebag Yankee fanatics to contribute to the site. If you are interested (and who wouldn't be) drop a line at jimmydugan.thefowlballs@gmail.com . I look forward to seeing what type of degenerates would want to work for us.



There is no other word to describe what I was forced to watch as a Yankee fan this weekend. Just BRUTAL. No pitching, no offense, and I got to watch that d-bag K-Rod celebrate like he just closed Game 7 not once, but TWICE. Act like you been there, guy.

PS - To all of my Mets fan friends: RELAX. Good for you for taking 2 of 3 from a superior team. But let's get one thing straight - your team is flat out not good. Johan is solid, and it looks like Mike Pelfrey has put it together. That leaves 60% of your rotation that is dogshit. Your star third baseman strikes out like there's an incentive in is contract tied to it. Jose Reyes makes horrific decisions on the bases. Jeff Franceour's head is so far up his own rectum at the plate that he's wearing himself as a hat.

PPS - I hate K-Rod with the heat of 1,000 suns. It makes me smile when his newly acquired chubby face dryhumps a fastball to the plate at 89 MPH.


Yankees limp into series against JV team

(Nice grab, bro)

After getting their dicks kicked in by the Rays, the walking wounded Yankees get to take some BP reps this weekend at Citi Field. In game one, look for Javier Vazquez to stay on track (he will be pitching against an NL team, after all). If the Yankees don't win at least 2 of these 3 games, I think that there should be some serious thought about contraction.


Yankees, AJ get pummeled by first place Rays - but that's not the bad news

AJ Burnett looked terrible last night against the Yankees' only competition in the AL East, losing 10-6 in the Bronx. It was another lackluster performance by the Yankees as a whole, soring some garbage runs after the game was well out of reach. AJ was terrible, Boone Logan was worse, and Mark Melancon hopped right on the suck train himself.

With all that being said, it was one game of 162 (or 19 if you want to talk about the ridiculous amount of times they are forced to play divisional opponents). The real news in the Yankees Universe is that Jorge Posada has a hairline fracture in his foot, and could be out up to a month. Up until now, the Frankie Cervelli bandwagon was a cute little idea. Now, Yankee fans and followers wake up this morning looking to the kid to be a stabilizing force for a struggling pitching staff in a more long-term capacity. Look, I love Cervelli. He plays his balls off, and handles himself behind the plate. Do I think he is a starting catcher on a championship team? Maybe, if the heavies are hitting. But wiith a lineup that is already depleted (Winn and Thames in the outfield!!11!!!!1), the Yankees could really use Jorgie's bat right now.

Mind you, I am not all doom and gloom. Frankie has handled the bat in limited time this year, and that could continue. Hell, the only reason he got reps last year at all was that Posada and Molina got hurt, and that team did OK. However, Posada is, in my opinion, one of the most underrated offensive players in the league and replacing him in the lineup is no small feat. So, cue the crazy rumors about everyone who has ever hit a home run in the Major Leagues. I beg the beat writers, please do not force me to read about Jermaine Dye and Pat Fucking Burrell.


Well, that was quick

Marcus Thames' run as Yankee Hero came to an end last night. Just 25 hours after erasing what was a disgusting game with a two-run, game winning home run against the Red Sox, Thames crapped himself in the outfield. It was nice while it lasted, I guess.

PS - Did you see the 2-2 pitch to Jeremy Hermida? I didn't think I would ever see a call like that that didn't go Mo's way. I mean that thing clipped the corner, and SHOULD have been strike three. I know that Thames should have caught that ball, and the Yankees didn't deserve to win the game anyway, but REALLY? That's Mariano F'ing Rivera out there. He gets that call.


No Explanation Necessary

Sure, I could do what I usually do and write an incredibly witty and insightful summary of the best game of the year so far. But I think I will just let the picture say its 1000 words.


Not the same Twins

After years of being an overachieving, scrappy, no-pop, well managed, gritty squad, it seems as though the Twins are taking a different route.

Gone are the days of slappy hitters up and down the lineup. For years all we heard was how the Twins had no power in their lineup, and now you are seeing Mauer, Morneau, and Cuddyer as offensive forces, and a power bat in Jim Thome coming off the bench. The firepower is there.

You know what else is there? The money. On the YES broadcast today, Michael Kay said that the Twinkies' payroll had eclipsed the $100 million mark this season, placing them above the mega-market Dodgers on the list.

The wave of changes has even reached Manager Ron Gardenhire. Long respected for his baseball acumen, Gardy trotted Matt Guerrier out to face A-Rod after intentionally walking Mark Teixeira to load the bases. Let me break that down for you: the Twins intentionally walked a hitter in FRONT of Alex Rodriguez to load the bases in a one run game in the 7th inning, and brought a pitcher in that A-Rod was 4 for 6 off of. Oh, by the way, 3 of those 4 hits happened to be home runs. A-Rod took just two pitches to deposit a go-ahead granny into the lefct centerfield seats. Wow. Just, wow.

You know what hasn't changed? The Twins absolutely can not figure out how to beat the Yankees in this or any other Yankee Stadium. Change is good, as long as there is some continuity mixed in.


News from Less Important Teams: Asshole Throws Perfect Game

Dallas Braden too time off from his busy schedule of crying about Alex Rodriguez to squeeze in a perfect game on Sunday. Although I can't stand the site of him, at least it came against the Rays.


Well, it looks like April is over

(Mark Teixeira watches his third home run leave the yard on Saturday in Boston)

Tex's numbers in May -

7 games, .400 BA, 3 HR, 11 RBI

I don't care how good the Rays are - when Teixeira and A-Rod get no the same page, nobody is safe.



Gone are the days of pussies like Mike Mussina who refuse to protect their hitters. This is a shot of CC Sabathia after Josh Beckett drilled Derek Jeter in the 6th. I would say that the Yankees should retaliate tomorrow by hitting the Red Sox' best hitter, but I am not sure at this point that they have one. When in doubt, hit Kevin Youkilis.

Morning Dump

The Morning Dump is a new feature on The Fowl Balls that will compile what I perceive as the most entertaining Yankees links from the previous day. If you find anything that you think is dumpworthy, leave it in the comment section

MJR and the Rays should get a room - Mike over at Yankeeist gushes over what Tampa Bay has been doing thus far.

Looks like Brett has ditched the "look overmatched" gameplan - Joe P at RAB breaks down the changes that Gardner and Swisher have made to their respective approaches at the plate

...and tomorrow they will break down the anatomy of booing Javy Vasquez - Moshe Mandel at TYU discussed the gayest tradition in spectator sports

Billy Beane needs to put a muzzle on this asshole - Dallas Braden keeps talking, and Bronx Baseball Daily tells us all about it


Good Luck Bro

According to MLBTR, noted ball thief Doug Mientkiewicz has signed with the Florida Marlins. South Florida baseball writers just cursed in unison. Full disclosure, this is barely news and I certainly wouldn't be posting about it if Doug wasn't my BFF on Twitter.



Hey all - just a few notes on what to expect from The Balls in the near future...

- The Morning Dump will make it's triumphant, corn-riddled return on Friday so you know exactly what to read this weekend

- I am also working on running some guest post over the next few weeks because even a man as impressive as myself can't do it on his own

- The blogroll is also going to subject to overhaul to make sure that only the best Yankee blogs sit in the prime real estate in the margin of the world's best Yankees blog.

- Drop me a line at jimmydugan[dot]thefowlballs[at]gmail[dot]com with any suggestions, comments, or vids of lewd acts that come your way.

Uh Oh

(Elbows shouldn't do that anyway)

After another 5 stellar innings against the lowly Orioles today, Andy Pettitte left pre-maturely with elbow stiffness (at his age, he should be happy when anything gets stiff /rimshot). While the Yankees went on to win the game, this serves as a reminder of just how fragile the 2010 season is in the Bronx. While speculation will run wild, let's take a look at what the Yankees could be faced with if Andy is truly hurt (and he doesn't reach for the magic needle to get back early).

So, let's say Pettitte hits the 15 day DL. Basically he would miss two starts, with Sergio Mitre in line to take his start on Tuesday after following him up today. Then, because of a built-in off day, he would miss just one more start before returning to make his scheduled start on the 21st against the Mets. To me, this is the move. If he is going to (probably) miss the first start, give him the second start off. While he has been great thus far, the innings that Andy Pettitte throws in May are not the reason that he was re-signed. And after seeing Javier Vasquez fold like origami every time out thus far, the Yankees could be in dire need of vintage Andy Pettitte come September.


Don't Cha Know???

From the team sending his best friend to AAA, to benching him for a lack of effort, to the best player in baseball in just a year and a half. Who's lazy now?


I'm back

You know, I looked at the site this morning. I knew I hadn't updated in a while, but Jesus Christ Opening Day? I agree with the shitty, scathing emails that I received. I suck. I am terrible. 

So, here's a synopsis of what has happened between then and now:

 - CC sucked, then was really good, now is just good

 - Andy Pettitte is obviously on HGH again

 - A-Rod wasn't hitting, but now he's starting to. He also hit a ball in Oakland that hasn't fucking landed yet.

 - Derek Jeter hasn't been great, but not bad either. He'll have another .300 season

 - Robinson Cano is the best player on the team - but much more shockingly, he hasn't looked lazy (yet)

 - Mark Teixeira has sucked and is continuing to do so

 - Mo is God

 - Phil Hughes looks like the guy that we heard about for what seemed like 10 years in the minors

 - Javy Vazquez works every day to make me look like an asshole

 - Jorge Posada is obviously sharing HGH with Pettitte

 - Randy Winn is a waste of blood

 - Brett Gardner: All Star (I still think he sucks, but I'll take it while we wait for Teixeira wakes the fuck up)

 - I haven't been to a game yet, please feel free to donate tickets at jimmydugan.thefowlballs@gmail.com

 - Joe Girardi picked Sunday to fuck up for the first time by deciding to intentionally walk Kendry Morales; then deciding not to

Thats about all I really have of note - let me know what I missed while telling me how much I suck in the comments



(Catch. The. Ball.)

The Yankees and Red Sox played a typical early-April-in-the-Northeast bout tonight, losing to the Red Sox 9-7 in what turned out to be an abortion of a baseball game.

Terrible pitching and poor defense by Jorge Posada turned out to rule the day. But hey, at least Curtis Granderson hit a home run, right?

PS - Since I basically stole that picture from myself, is that still stealing?

Buona Pasqua

And Happy Opening Day!


April 4th Can't Come Quick Enough

I bet that Clay Bucholz is somewhere watching this right now on someone else's laptop...

Guess Who's Back

Ok, so it's been to long since my last post. Big shit. God knows the Yankees have enough morons like myself covering even the most minute move like its going to cost the team the World Series in March. Oh no!!! They are keeping Marcus Thames and cut the juggernaut that is Jamie Hoffman!!

I weigh in when my opinion is needed - nee - DEMANDED.

The fifth starter derby (which we all knew was a two-horse race from the beginning) has finaly come to a close, with Phil Hughes being officially named to the final spot. This leaves Joba Chamberlain in the wind, seemingly banished to the bulpen. I have never been a "Joba to the bullpen" guy and still believe that he has a real future as a starter. Young, live armed pitchers with three plus pitches, by definition, are starters, and don't let any asshole tell you differently. Unfortunately, the Yankees do not have the luxury of letting two young starters develop by getting their asses handed to them over a full season. They are expected, if not demanded, to win year in and year out so there really is only one slot to play with when the goal is a championship. Not to mention Joe Girardi is in a contract year, and nobody gives a fuck about the title he won in 2009.The pitcher that showed the most in Spring Training was going to win this job, and Hughes put up better numbers while showing real promise with a changeup.

So what now for Joba? Is he the heir apparent to Mo, if he ever retires? In my mind, Joba is a starter. Again, 23 year olds with 3 major league pitches don't just grow on trees. There is a reason why A.J. Burnett, a possible #2 starter with horrific inconsistency makes more than Mo, the greatest closer ever to walk the earth. Starting pitchers a fucking impossible to find. The Yankees have two choices - either send Joba to AAA to start and let him fill the hole left by Andy Pettitte or Javy Vasquez in 2011, or package him in a trade while he still has value. "But Jimmy, Joba should be setting up for Mo!!1!11!!!!". Shut the fuck up. I will take my chances with Robertson/Marte/Aceves/Melancon in the late innings and groom a kid that still has at least #2 starter upside. That being said, I am a huge Hughes fan, and I look forward to watching him throw every fifth day. Until Chamberlain came out firing bulletts in 2007, Hughes was a MUCH bigger prospect. Top flight stuff, and a pro attitude. In the end, this really won't matter as much as people are makiong it seem. It's the fifth starter. The other four days of the week, the Yankees are trotting out potential All Stars, and no matter how bad Hughes is, the Yankees' refuckingdiculous offense will carry him to 12-15 wins. Just another storyline as the Yankees march to #28.


Take one

Today, the debate officially begins. In the third Spring Training game of the year, both Joba Chamberlain and Phil Hughes will take a turn on the mound to begin what will undoubtedly be the most covered (and annoying) story of March. I need that remote from that shitty Adam Sandler movie so I can fast forward to April 4th.


Live Game Chat @ BBD

My buddy Rob over at Bronx Baseball Daily is holding a live chat in conjunction with the first Spring Training game today at 1pm. I know posts have been rare, but the simple fact is that this Spring Training is fucking BORING. No steroids, no A-Rod/Jeter fights, not even a bullshit Andy Pettitte contract dispute. But I digress.
Head over the BBD at 1 - I will be there, but there has not been word on whether Boyz II Men, ABC, or any of the remaining East Coast Family will be in attendence.


Morning Dump

The Morning Dump is a new feature on The Fowl Balls that will compile what I perceive as the five most entertaining Yankees links from the previous day. If you find anything that you think is dumpworthy, leave it in the comment section.

Our Love Affair Continues - NoMaas.org had another great interview, this time with TFB favorite Nick Swisher. Call me, SJK.

It feels so good not to see Phil Coke on this list - Cliff Corcoran over at Bronx Banter gives his prediction for the 25 man roster.

Larry is a mean bastard - At the Yankeeist, a cranky Larry Koestler poops all over Chan Ho's beard.

If you have a day to waste - Former Jimmy Dugan interviewee Mike Ashmore is doing a series called "2009 Thunder A to Z", painstakingly chronicling every player to don the legendary pinstripes of Trenton last season.

Not really a "Yankees story", but I make the rules here - I know most people that would read the blog may be familiar with Cot's Baseball Contracts, but I am going to plug them anyways. The site has info on like every baseball contract since Old Hoss Radbourn agreed to go barnstorming for some snuff tobacco and a live chicken in 1832.

Chan Hooooooooo

The Yankees signed Chan Ho Park to a 1 year, $1.2 million deal.

My take? Fine. They Yankees spent very little on a serviceable arm to add to the bullpen mix. But, this signing could make things more interesting than they look at face value, and of course those of us who cover the Yankees will go nuts over what was probably just a meaningless, depth-related signing. Does this mean that Sergio Mitre or Chad Gaudin could be used as trade bait? Maybe, but could they really fetch all that much on the open market when half-year pitchers like John Smoltz and Pedro Martinez are still lurking?

Although it seems every story about the Yankees includes these two names right now, could this be a move that effects Joba Chamberlain and Phil Hughes? Many of us scoffed at the notion that Joe Girardi would be holding an open competition for the fifth spot, assuming that it was a two man race. However, a move for an extra arm like Park could be viewed as solidifying the bullpen and freeing up Gaudin, Mitre, or even Alfredo Aceves' creamy goodness to become a starter. In this case, could Joba and Phil both end up in the bullpen? To me it still seems unlikely, as my money is on Hughes to win the spot regardless of who is in the competition, but it will give us something interesting to watch while players with jersey numbers in the 90's are playing all spring.


Morning Dump

The Morning Dump is a new feature on The Fowl Balls that will compile what I perceive as the five most entertaining Yankees links from the previous day. If you find anything that you think is dumpworthy, leave it in the comment section.

Maybe it's post post concussion syndrome - Larry Koestler at Yankeeist hollows out David Wrights rectum for declaring the Mets a contender

It could be the first step to being canonized - Steve Lombardi at WasWatching questions if/when the Yankees will promote Brian Cashman

For those of you who love Cliff's Notes - If you wanted to see Sugar, you can scratch that off your to-do and just read Jay's review at Fack Youk

I never EVER thought I would miss the fat man - The LoHud Yankees blog was it's usual, lifeless self; just as it has been since the Pete Abe jumped ship

I hope they wiped their mouth after - Nomaas.org interviewed their favoritist prospect in the whole wide world, Brett Marshall, whom they have been fawning over since the day he was drafted


Morning Dump

The Morning Dump is a new feature on The Fowl Balls that will compile what I perceive as the five most entertaining Yankees links from the previous day. If you find anything that you think is dumpworthy, leave it in the comment section.

It looks like you can start ordering your #93 Sanit jerseys now - Chad Jennings lists the jersey numbers for the 2010 Yankees

Best. Interview. Ever. - In what could be a door-opening interview for the Yankees blog community, Brian Cashman sat down for the most candid interview I have seen him give with Sensei John Kreese over at NoMaas.org.

I can't imagine what he's going to be like on Opening Day - MJR over at Yankeeist does his best fanboy impression on Pitchers and Catchers Day.

Nice gesture, but go fuck yourself - iYankees, one of my new favorite sites, has their take on the ball-licking quotes that Papelbon made about Mo.

Mike Gallego must be pissed off that he never got this kind of coverage - My buddies over at Bronx Baseball Daily are prewviewing the Yankees in 2010, player by player, starting from the bottom.


Thank GOD

It's about fucking time this season got started. Be sure to check back tonight for more pictures, and Spring Training links from around the Yankees blogosphere (hands down THE gayest word on the internet).



With Spring Training 3 days away, it got me thinking about the most significant number three in franchise history: Babe Ruth. As hardcore Yankee fans, as I assume the people that read this blog are, we know all of the stories and lore of Ruth, so I am not going to sit here and wax poetic about the most dominant force in baseball history. What I will do, however, is refer you back to my post from April of 2007 imploring Major League Baseball to remove its head from its collective ass and retire the number three for all Major and Minor League teams. Maybe a little common sense like that could help save the clusterfuck that has been Bud Selig's tenure as commissioner, but what the hell to I know?



According to sources, Johnny Damon is about to be offered about $4 million** to play for the White Sox this year. This is a far cry from the 2 year, $26 million deal that Scott Boras set as a bare minimum in negotiations with the Yankees. Good. What Boras and Damon did here is a classic overvalue of Damon's value to the Yankees. Sure, he hit 24 homers last year, and had his "Yankeeography" moment when he stole two bases on one play in the World Series. But the fact is he is an aging player that plays atrocious defense and cannot be depended on physically enough to lock up for two years.
To me, this is another example of the Yankees organization having the right people in charge. The Steinbrenners, in my opinion, would have thrown the money at Damon as a reward for time served. Luckily, people like Brian Cashman head up the baseball operations now, and moves like this let us know that is a good situation to be in.
**Before I start getting emails about it, please know that I am fully aware that John Heyman is reporting that the Tigers are offering 2 years at $14 million, but he is a fucking Boras-controlled marionette and I refuse to believe anything that he reports in concern to Boras clients until they come to fruition.


A-Rod can't keep away from the old bitches

According to OK! Magazine Alex Rodriguez and Cameron Diaz were spotted kissing or canoodling or whateverthefuck. Some guys walk into a party and look for the hottest girl to hook up with, but A-Rod's dick is different. It follows fame like a fucking GPS. Look, aside from Manny Ramirez, Alex Rodriguez is the best right-handed hitter that we have seen, but this bullshit sideshow just has to stop. He won back a ton of people this year, and became about as popular as a confirmed wife-cheating douchebag can be, but he just seems hell bent on fucking it up again. The whole Kate Hudson thing was fine I guess, but the fact is that he should be out pounding 22 year old models, not chasing around has-been pushing 40. If there is one thing you can learn from Derek Jeter, it's how to bang chicks. Catch them before they are mega famous (Scarlett Johansson, Jessica Alba), not when they are hitting the downslope (Madonna, Kate Hudson). That being said, if he hits 50 bombs I could care less if he is fucking corpses between innings.


Breaking: Yankees sign Marcus Thames

Apparently they Yankees weren't as 'done' as they would lead us to believe. The team signed ex-Yankees Marcus Thames to a one-year deal worth $900k if he makes the big league club.

Thames has always been viewed as a guy who rapes left-handed pitching, and has played both corner outfield spots (albeit terribly)as well as first base. After the deal that the team gave Randy Winn I don't see whole lot of room for Thames, unless they view him as a potential bench bat against lefties. Or I could possibly be hoping that Thames gets cut so I don't have to hear John Sterling's fat mouth cite his first career home run off of none other than Randy Johnson every fucking at-bat.

Frequent readers of this site might be scratching their heads as to why I would cover a small, bullshit story such as this, and for good reason. But the fact is I am bored out of my skull right now, and I think its making me delirious.

Is this cool?

I was perusing the Steiner Sports website, and came across this new item. It is a Nick Swisher autographed ball with the inscription "0.00 ERA", paying homage to his one dominant inning in Tampa Bay last year. I get that.

What I can't figure out is whether this is an awesome item to have, or the gayest thing I have ever seen. There is absolutely no gray area on this one. This is either a must-have for my collection, or something that I will be made fun of for the rest of my life for owning. We all love Nick Swisher right now, and I have since the Yankees made the move for him. He's fun to watch, plays his balls off, and is coming off of a great season. Hell, I'd love to get shitfaced with him over any other player on the team right now. But if his 2010 starts off in the shitter, does this item become a paper weight? Help me out here.

Jump in an drop a comment - is this the greatest thing Steiner has ever done, or will this be as memorable as Alvaro Espinoza on the mound??


12 Days To Pitchers and Catchers

I swore I would never think of Andy Phillips again, but there he is. Anyways, sorry for the lapse in posts, but Jesus Christ what the fuck am I supposed to write about? The Yankees are still World Champions, we commented on all of the relevant moves that they made, and I am not spending my evenings working up statistical projections that don't mean dick anyway. I do, however, have some stuff on the way that the readers might enjoy, so be sure to keep checking the site for updates (I promise, there will be new stuff - I am not just trying to maintain my hit count while I sit on my ass and do nothing).

On another note, check out HotStove.com, where they came back to your boy looking for opinions. I am becoming the fucking baseball Oracle over here.


You'll be missed

Well, it looks like Johnny Damon will be breaking 100 bats a year somewhere else. See my rousing tribute piece over at Barstool Sports.


I am slowly taking over the blogosphere

HotStove.com interviewed me (again) for my expert opinion on whether or not the Yankees screwedthe pooch on Johnny Damon. I then blew the other bloggers out of the water with my response (again).

Jimmy Dugan
President, CEO, and Dictator
The Fowl Balls


Sorry, Johnny: Yankees sign Randy Winn

According to Joel Sherman (God, even typing his name irritates me), the Yankees have come to an agreement with Randy Winn.

Winn's numbers look horrific at the plate last year, but he did hold his own against righties. Also, the platoon splits are not remotely typical of him forn his career, as the switch hitter has hit around .280 fron both sides of the plate . His WAR fell below 2 last year after a healthy 4.6 in 2008, so the Yankees are looking for some buy-low upside on a player that should be a defensive attribute in left field.

I have been accused of being a Cashman whore in the past, but this is an example of me and my boy being on different pages. Sure, Winn should come at or around the $2 million that was cited as a limit coughbullshitcough, but if Johnny Damon could really be had at $5-6 million, I don't get this one. I hope Ca$h proves me wrong.

/prays in front of makeshift Brian Cashman shrine

Buying low

News came through last night that the Minnesota Twins have signed Jim Thome, with the intention of making him their full-time DH. With this move they will be moving last year's DH, Jason Kubel, to the outfield, leaving no room for ex-super-duper-next-coming-of-Christ prospect Delmon Young without a position.

The Yankees have been picking up scraps for AAA outfield depth and/or a shot at the big league roster throughout the offseason, but have failed to secure what would be termed an "every day" option (if I get one more Brett Gardner email I am going to dickslap somebody - just STOP). With a player like Young being tossed by the wayside, this could be a perfect opportunity for the Yankees to pick up a potential long-term option without the long-term commitment. Hell, if it doesn't work out, they sign Carl Crawford at the end of the 2010 season. But if it does, maybe that money could be better spent in other areas (like re-signing Derek Jeter and Mariano Rivera, or even signing Cliff Lee to fill the spot vacated by Andy Pettitte).

To call Young a disappointment may well be an understatement, but the potential is still there. He's far from the 30/30 superstar that we were all promised, but he is still a solid, bottom of the order type. His .733 OPS last year was nothing short of abysmal, but it seems as though he had a sharp drop in AVG that should recover. Young's problem is , and has always been, patience. He NEVER fucking walks. The same had been said about Robinson Cano in past years, but he has gradually (or to some, PAINFULLY) raised his walk totals under Kevin Long.

Another knock on Young has been the slow, if not non-existent, development of his power. He has remained the same gap hitter that we saw as an eighteen year old. The fact remains, though, that Young is still yet to turn 25 years old. He's been a jerkoff for his entire career, and now he is left with a choice: go somewhere and prove your worth, or fade into AAAA obscurity. At a minimal price, the Yankees could do worse than to add a potentially highly motivated 24 year old with an infinite ceiling. Classic case of low-risk, high reward. Plus there is always the potential to watch him go bat-shit crazy, Milton Bradley style. And that's never not fun.


Mets to Fans: " Fuck you."

It looks as though Ben Sheets has chosen to play for the Oakland Athletics in 2010, as reported by Danny Knobler of CBS Sports. The deal will reportedly pay Sheets $10 million this coming season. As I said last week, this was the last chance for the Mets organization to prove that they were looking to compete in 2010. This was the perfect time for the Mets to make this move, as there are positive reports swirling about the bullpen sessions that Johan Santana and Olie the Walk Machine had in Port St. Lucie. But, alas, there was never any doubt that Omar and Co. would fuck this up, was there?


Hot Stove knows who to come to for answers

MLB rumors website HotStove.com asked me to weigh in on the Johnny Damon situation today. Word is getting out, so keep checking out TFB before I get that seven figure contract and you have to pay to even think about reading my shit.


New statistics for the new decade

Hitman23 is the newest of our contributors here at TFB. When he isn't pleasuring himself to pictures of Don Mattingly's moustache, you can most likely find him with his nose buried in a Bill James book. Enjoy.

I am a Sabermetrician. I once wasn’t, but I’ve seen the light and realized that everyone else is just stupid. You know how some people keep bibles by their bed? I keep a copy of Moneyball by mine. I read one chapter a week and then sermonize every Thursday (the official Sabermetrician Sabbath, bitches). Just in case you were wondering, my favorite chapter is ‘Scott Hatteberg, Pickin’ Machine’, but I’ll save that discussion for another day.

It is my sincere belief that we are on the brink of a major breakthrough in Sabermetric analysis. There is room for so much more. For example – just humor me here – if these Harvard MBAs running the show are so smart, why haven’t they figured out that they don’t even need to pay actual people to play baseball? Hello? They can just assign values to make-believe players and simulate the games in computer models. Clearly, the lights are on but there is nobody home. Sure, the MLBPA might have a problem with it, but other unions have been busted before. So these front office idiots would save a fortune – think about it, no shiny new venues to pay for and argue over, no outlandish contracts, no flights and travel arrangements, basically no overhead, save for a few guys with crusty Cheetos-orange fingers and their PCs. Anyway, I digress.

Now that I’ve converted to the one True Faith, I wanted to get in on the action and make my own mark on Sabermetrics (in case you haven’t noticed, Sabermetrics should always be capitalized, just like the word God – it would be an insult to our god, Bill James, if it wasn’t. He reads all, just like that other God). It all began as a discussion over Kei Igawa and Carl Pavano, when I was momentarily blinded and the voice of His Statiness, Bill James, inspired me. I don’t remember much about the ordeal but when I came to, I, along with the rest of my brethren at Yankeeist and the Yankee Google Group, developed a new advanced statistic:


That’s right. DTPIF, or Desire to Punch In Face, is the new “it” stat. WHIP? That’s so 2000. FIP? BLOP. VORP? Been there, done that. WAR? Don’t even want to hear the word unless it is preceded by “The U.S. declared” and followed by “on Mexico because it’s awesome and we want a 51st state.”

Yes, DTPIF. DTPIF is scaled from -10.0 to 10.0, with zero being neutral (credit goes to Dr. Skip for the scale). The dual directionality from zero allows one to better understand the reasons behind a player’s rating. Allow me to explain. Alex Rodriguez is one of the most polarizing personalities to ever grace a baseball diamond. However, he isn’t despised for his performance. It’s just his being that bothers everyone. His DTPIF is a whopping 9.1. So a DTPIF over zero indicates a sheer dislike for the human being. Now, Yuniesky Betancourt has a -8.9 DTPIF. This is attributable to his sucking and has little to do with him as a person. The fact that he is a nice guy is actually what keeps him from busting past the dreaded 9.0/-9.0 barrier. Getting back to the conversation that sparked it all, Carl Pavano has a DTPIF of -9.8, while Kei Igawa’s is a smaller yet still-too-high -7.4. DTPIF is an extremely complicated statistic that took many, many minutes to develop. But as you can see, the scale allows the user to understand if the player sucks as an athlete or as a person. If you don’t fully understand the situation behind the DTFIP you can delve a bit deeper and find out about things like Pavano’s “injury” history and his “desire” to play baseball, or that Igawa is the not even the best pitcher on his AAA team but will earn a lot more yen in his career than any of them.

So where do others rank? Only four players have ever achieved an imperfect DTPIF (10.0/-10.0) and they all happen to be currently active and play on the same team. Impossible, you say? Remember, complicated models. Check this out:

Dustin “I Even Want to Punch Myself in My Bald Head” Pedroia 10.0
Kevin “Arrrrr, Matey” Youkilis 10.0
Jonathan “Papelsmear” Papelbon 10.0
Jason “The Mariners Didn’t Even Want Me” Varitek 10.0
Tyrus Raymond Cobb 9.6
Theodore “Ted Theodore Logan” Williams 9.5

So there you have it, folks. The Red Sox have a long and proud history of putting a product on the field that is as dislikable as the locals. Oh yeah? Well, fack you too, fackers !!!


I guess it's time for plan Z

It looks as though Bengie Molina and his DD's will be sunning themselves in San Francisco in 2010, despite the Mets' "best" efforts to woo him to Shiti Field. I am actually starting to feel for peole who follow this team; they just can't do any fucking thing right at this point.

First, the organization slams Carlos Beltran in the press for having a surgery that they didn't approve (although there have been whispers that they actually did tell the doctor to go a head with the procedure). Then Peter Gammons' corpse reports that the Red Sox pulled their four year offer to Jason Bay off the table because an MRI on his knees revealed damage*. Now Bengie Molina tells them to go piss up a tree.

I will say this now: after reports from Ben Sheets' throwing session going well, if the Mets do not sign him, they don't give a shit. Unless they outbid everyone else in the running, one of two things must be true: either they have already written of 2010 and are looking to 2011, or Omar Minaya is doing an in depth experiment on how far he can actualy go before that asshole Jeff Wilpon fires him.


Yankees interested in Italian American Rhode Islander

The Yankees are apparently interested in Rocco Baldelli for the fourth outfielder/righty platoon left fielder position. Unless they think signing a wop would help them capitalize on the success of MTV's The Jersey Shore, I am a little puzzled by this one.

Look, I want Rocco to succeed as much as the next guy. It's would be a great comeback story from something that was actual tragedy, not some sheltered superprospect that started shooting crank when he couldn't take the pressure. I have met Rocco on more than one occasion, played against him, and met his family. Rest assured, I want him to turn it around more than anyone you know. Facts being facts, though, it's not something I would bet my house on (or the $9 in my wallet right now). After seeing him suffer through yet another season in 2009, it seems as though the Rocco Baldelli who had 185 hits as a rookie in Tampa is nothing more than a distant, albeit unfortunate, memory.

On paper, Baldelli seems like a solid fit for this roster spot. Good defender, hits lefties, has speed, and isn't a boat-rocker in the clubhouse. But, for me at least, the durability issue is just too much to ignore. This spot on the team could be vital to the Yankees' success, as I fully expect Brett Gardner to fucking terrible. Sure, I have heard the argument made by men much smarter than myself that the Yankees could basically trot Corky from Life Goes On out to left field every day and still win a title but, call me crazy, I would feel more comfortable with a dependable every day guy out there.

So, I wish all the success in the world to the pride of Rhode Island, but I don't see enough to convince me that he is in a position to help a team win a title.


It's about time

Yesterday a story broke that the Florida Marlins have been reprimanded by both Major League Baseball and the Players' Association for not spending the money they received through revenue sharing on baseball operations.

Since their inception, the Marlins have had a pretty predictable modus operandi - build a winner, then dismantle it by selling it off, piece by piece. It has brought the Franchise not one, but two World Series titles in their short history, but it has also made them the poster child for what is wrong with the revenue sharing process. They haven't won a title in six years, and typically we would all be waiting for the rising of the Marlins in 2010. To the contrary, their have been reports of them trying to trade slugging second baseman Dan Uggla this offseason, and even whispers about Josh Johnson, their staff ace, being available.

People can bitch and complain about the Yankees' spending habits, but I find this absolutely fucking repugnant. This is exactly what Hank Steinbrenner meant when he told the Associated press that the Yankees are "basically baseball's stimulus package" last February. Teams like the Marlins have been hoarding the money that has been given to them with the sole purpose of making them more competitive, and they should be retracted for it.

Because of the Yankees (and let's not discount the low-budget Red Sox), there is a lot of screaming and yelling demanding a salary cap, but I am not so sure that the high end of the spending spectrum is the real problem here. What may be more prudent would be a salary floor, forcing teams to spend a percentage of their revenue+revenue share on players and baseball operations, as opposed to pocketing proceeds. You can't tell me that the Florida Marlins don't have enough money to lock up Josh Johnson - that's horseshit. This is a team that just got a new ballpark approved, and they aren't paying for it (thanks Florida taxpayers!). Meanwhile, the Yankees go into hock up to their asshole, and still spend on the product that they are putting on the field. Am I saying that the Marlins need to be spending $200 million on payroll every year? Of course not. But would it be exhorbitant to set an annual number at, say, $50-60 million? No way.

If teams like the Marlins can't afford to put a quality product out there and take advantage of the large Miami market, one of two things needs to happen: 1, the league could demand that the team be put up for sale, and allow an owner like Mark Cuban to give a shit about the team's results or 2, the team could be contracted. I, for one, would be much happier watching 25 teams that compete year in and year out than having another 5 teams whose seasons are over in April **coughPiratescough**. For now, I commend the MLB and the MLBPA for at laest speaking up on the issue - but it is far from resolved.


Mark McGwire: The biggest fraud in sports

What's good everyone? Hope you had a Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year. This is Sancho, back from the dead. In reality, I've been dealing with some shitty work hours and have been out of the loop for a while. But I'm not here to talk about the past. I'm here to talk about the future. Or more specifically, the piece of shit known as Mark McGwire.

Now, a disclaimer. I don't hate on the man because he did steroids. Far from it. I could care less about what these athletes do to themselves for our entertainment. What bothers me about this whole McGwire public apology tour is that it is the phoniest, most self serving pile of shit that I have ever heard in my life.

First off, someone should tell Little Mac that there's no crying in baseball. When A-Rod got caught red handed, he didn't break down and start sobbing like a little pussy. And if anyone thinks Marky Mark would have admitted to this if he wasn't getting a job with the Cardinals is delusional. He's self serving to the bitter end.

Another thing that really pissed me off was his lame ass response as to why he didn't admit to this when he was called up to congress in 2005. He was "afraid" of prosecution. Bullshit. Jose Canseco wrote a whole fucking book in which he admitted that he was the Godfather of the steroid era, and the Feds didn't do shit to him. McGwire thought he could get away with his little dog and pony show when he went before Congress, but unfortunately the court of public opinion doesn't accept memory loss as an alibi.

It is actually comical that he tries to portray himself as some sort of victim. He said that he wishes he wasn't part of the steroids era. Oh yeah? Then you would have been the modern day Rob Deer, you fucking jackass. He could hit for power before steroids, but that's it. A one trick pony. He owes his entire career to the juice. He's no Barry Bonds. At least Barry was a Hall of Fame caliber player before he started juicing.

Also, a big fuck you goes out to Tony LaRussa, everyone's favorite drunken uncle. Don't try and pretend that you didn't know what was going on. You knew from the start, and probably enabled the big red haired sack of shit to keep juicing.

And now it's come out that this whole media blitz has been orchestrated by Ari Fleischer, former White House press secretary. That's all this is anyway, a big fucking show by a desperate man who feels no remorse. He's only sorry that he got caught.

Lastly, but certainly not least, a big fuck you goes out to the biggest dipshit of all, Bud Selig. He's a sleazy used car salesman masquerading as Commissioner. He likes to talk about integrity of the game, but he could care less. He turned a blind eye to this problem all these years, and now he wants to act like its over. Newsflash Buddy, players are still juicing. It's called HGH. That drug you don't test for. So eat a big steaming shit sandwich, you fucking pathetic stooge.

Other than that, congratulations Mark!