After a career that spanned like 7 decades, chronic douchebag Randy Johnson retired via conference call late last night. Apparently he pitched for the Giants last year. Perhaps the most dominant lefty in baseball history, his was a story of ups and downs in New York. Happy trails dickhead.
PS - Let the record show that as big an egomaniac asshole as he is, The Big Unit still had the sense to officially retire before Bernie Williams. We love you Bernie, please give it up.