The Fowl Balls PSA

My Dear Readers,

I don't usually get all preachy, but this is a subject that is near and dear to my heart. When doing anything that is physical in nature, please be sure to wear a protective cup.

The blogosphere (gayest word ever, by the way) is abuzz with articles poking fun at the severe injury that Adrian Beltre suffered the other night. When attepting to field a ground ball at third base, the ball took a funny hop on Beltre that struck him in a very uncomfortable place (like in the back of a Volkswagen?). The result is what has been referred to medically as a torn testicle. Let's say that again. Torn. Testicle.

I will not be lampooning Adrian Beltre, though. I mean for God's sake the guy's nut just ripped in half, let's give him a break. What I would like to do is use this forum to stress the importance of wearing an athletic supporter while playing baseball. Or softball. Or flag football. Or grocery shopping. Or watching People's Court. The fact is that, as men, we must be protective of our greatest asset at all times(although I have been told it is my ass, or sometimes my boyish good looks, but I digress) .

Now you have Adrian Beltre, millionaire baseball player, unable to father children in every Major League city. Wait - what? I take it all back. Nobody wear a cup. In fact, somebody would have gotten Shawn Kemp and Travis Henry to kick eachother in the nuts a few dozen times fifteen years ago maybe they wouldn't have been spreading their Superman-like sperm in ever major US city.

So in conclusion: to each his own. If you plan on Johnny Appleseeding it all over the free world, maybe it's best that you leave your cup at home.

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