Breaking News: Carl Pavano is Still a World Class Vagina

Somebody call the WAAAAAAAAAAAAAmbulance. In an article on MLB.com, Carl Pavano had this to say about his tenure in New York:

"When you're down, you expect your organization to pick you up, not kick you when you're down. I've had to pick myself up quite a few times the last four years."

In response to Mr. Pavano, The Fowl Balls has this to say: shut the f*ck up. After four years of subpar pitching, lying about car accidents, and (throw in obligatory ass injury joke here), the fact that this so-called professional has the audacity to slam the Yankees is deplorable. I think that the only thing that the Yankees were 'required' to pick up was the tab for your abortion of a contract.

I swear that Carl Pavano reads The Fowl Balls. Ever since this article was posted in April of 2007, this moron has done nothing but intentionally piss me off. I hate you Carl Pavano. Now go win 20 games in Cleveland, turn it into another contract that you don't deserve, and continue to be the Skeletor to my He-Man.

Update: I just realized that in my hatred for Carl Pavano, I have neglected his fans. For those of you Carl Pavano fans in the Cleveland area, I would like to extend an olive branch to keep you on as loyal readers. Click here, and have a great time this weekend!

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

Dear Carl Pavano,

You have officially joined Curt Schilling, Keith Olbermann and Celine Dion in the hypothetical car I would like to blow up like Sam Rothstein's in Casino. Except the fuse would light faster and you wouldn't get out.

If for some reason Keith, while on fire, turned into the anchor he was in 1995 on ESPN I would let him out.

As for you and the other two, you have no shot.